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i met and am currently dating the person who is pretty much as close to a soulmate as one could- except she isnt ace. and weve talked about it /a lot/, and she keeps reassuring me and promising me that she supports me fully and loves all parts of me. but after being basically guilt tripped and broken up before because. ace, its all pretty much impossible to believe. especially when we keep having these long ass talks about it, that are usually overall never good. yes, they are necessary, but i just feel like theyre not really going anywhere. especially last night it got to the probably worst point it has ever gotten, and im so scared right now. i feel like i either lose her or have to discard a huge part of myself.
when we started dating, i was more open and forced myself to have quite a lot of phone sex with her (were long distance for now, and forced means ‘i didnt tell her it was making me a little uncomfortable, i figured itd be worth it and it was completely my decision to do so), and pretty much the only reason i regret that is that she keeps bringing it up all the time, telling me how much it hurts and saddens her because even though she never wants me to do what im not comfortable with, but she misses that so fucking much and just hopes things could go back and i really cant handle that, and tbh i have no idea what to do anymore
Hey there @neibolt *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
We are really glad to have you here with us! 
That is a touth situation to be at, for sure. I think it is really a decision that you as a couple should make.
I understand that you are together for a good while now and you do reall love her. Open communication is important and I am glad to hear that you have been discussing this issue but I know it can be hard for both you and for her to discuss something that you seem to have such different desires about.
It may be worth to visit a mediator, a therapist even who could help you two work this out together and let you both reach a conclusion that is the best for the both of you in the long run - even if it may not be the best in the short run, that is.
I just remember one person sharing in the trans self-help gorup I was visting mentioning that she (MtF) really regretted not talking to her (back then his) wife about this earlier and figuring things out earlier. Even though they have separated they remained good friends and been able to help eachother and be there for eachother while they were also able to find a new relationship which was better fitting for them.
I am not saying that you should or will separate, I am just saying that it can be an option as well which can actually benefit the both of you, depending on a decision you make together. :)
@redmark thank you!
and honestly sonce were long distance right now seeking a mediator would be hard (and also us both being young also makes that harder). i really do love her, and most of the time is fine and she has told me shell wait for me to do the first move on sexual things, but thats just the thing. im so comfortable right now not doing any of that, and it makes me sad knowing that she isnt, but i guess the best i can do is go on like now because technically, im still not comfortable with it like she wants to be. i just hope she really realizes that i might never be, since sometimes it just sounds like shes expecting me to suddenly change or get better, no matter how much she swears that she isnt