Name Changes

Last week @KateDoskocilova talked about the various types of transitioning, including social transitioning which often involves changing your name, today we’ll be exploring name changes a bit further.

[image reads “What’s in a name?”]

First, when it comes to our name, for most of us we learn our name before it has any real context. Like any other word we learn, we gather the definition from experience, so for many our name ends up defined as “me,” we know when people use it to represent us. As we grow we may learn other meanings for our name, meet other people who have the same name. So our definition often expands and starts to carry other associations.

For some as that definition changes and grows, they come to see that what once meant “me” doesn’t fit their identity at all, this can be true regardless of their gender identity. But given many names have a strong gender association, those who have names that don’t align with their gender identity, may find changing their name can be a critical part of affirming their identity.

Whatever your reason for changing your name, how do you go about finding a new name that fits you, especially as most names will already have context and associations before you even try them on? There are a variety of methods people use when choosing a new name, some find they want a name that is similar to or related to their old name, and so use that as a basis. While others would like to keep their initials and seek out names that fulfill that purpose. Still others want a name that is entirely new or carries some special meaning or personal significance to them. Whatever reasoning or method finding a new name is a process that can take time.

[image consists of a pride flag name tag reading “hello… my name is”]

Once a new name is chosen many often take some time to try it out, wear it for a while, see how it fits and feels. This can mean having a few close/trusted friends who are willing to use the new name with the understanding that it may or may not stay the same. Others will practice writing the new name to themselves in a journal or in an online space. Strangers can actually be a big help in this without even knowing, for example just giving the new name when you order coffee at a local coffee shop can be a way to see how it feels. Any change can feel a bit strange at first, but giving yourself time to get past the newness can help.

For some this social transition is enough, for others, once they find a name that fits, the next step is to pursue a legal name change as well. The process to get a legal name change will vary widely around the world, but can often take a lot of time, patience and persistence.

A final thought: Once a person has chosen and communicated a new name, their old name, or what many call their “deadname” should be one you no longer use to refer to them. If you accidentally refer to someone by their deadname it is best to acknowledge your mistake, correct yourself, and ultimately work to change so you don’t continue to make the same mistake.

[image reads “Identity” “Individuality” “Self” next to 2 rainbow roses]

Questions:

• Have you ever wished you had a different name or maybe even chosen one for yourself for fun? What kind of name would you choose?

• Can you think of other reasons a person may change their name or names?

• If you have changed your name, do you have any other tips, tricks or experiences you would like to share?

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