Feeling Trapped and Restless
I tend to ramble a lot, so I'll do my best to condense the situation; I'm 23 and gay. About a month and a half ago, I decided I was ready to join a dating app and met this really cute guy online. He was very patient and very sweet; we talked for a couple weeks before we decided to go out on a casual date. Something you should know about me is that I'm 100% a virgin; I've never dated, never kissed a boy, never been in a relationship, and so on. Considering it was my first date, I decided to be smart about it. My friends knew where I was going and who I was meeting, but I told my parents where I was going without mentioning it was a date. I let them know exactly where i'd be for this 'hangout,' a Starbucks five minutes away from my house. The date went really well, so much so that we planned on a second date a couple days later. In case we got serious, I wanted to tell my parents about the previous date and the planned date to keep them in the loop. They immediately started getting anxious, defensive, and protective.
They said a lot of things; telling me what they think my priorities should be [I graduate University in ten months], said I needed permission to go out so that my plans don't conflict with 'family plans,' and said I should come out to certain cousins before I'm allowed to date freely. There was a sense that something was holding me back from the second date, so the boy and I mutually decided it wasn't going to work out and that we would try to remain friends. A week has passed since last I spoke to that boy and two weeks have passed since my conversation with the parents; at this point I feel so trapped. My parents and my feelings seem to unravel any confidence I have in my choices and I have no idea what to do.
@loyalDrum7673 Welcome! Remember your parents have a lot of love be invested in you, and this may not be the path they wish for you. They are adjusting to this as you are. They loved you since before you were born!
As far as dating, that's on your terms. You are a grown man who can go out with who he wishes and when. I do agree with your parents on not letting your school slide in the search of a boyfriend. It's only ten more months, and to be practical the first guy you date may not be the one. It took me to 33 to find him. We're now married and been together 16 years.
Now, let's talk about protecting yourself when you do meet someone whom you wish to share intimacy. Promise me you'll do a search on STDs and HIV. Educate yourself on condoms and preventative drugs like PReP. If you meet someone who doesn't want to play safe, that's your decision, but think long and hard about the ramifications.
One more thing about your parents, it's hard watching any child grow up and become an adult. Not only are they dealing with your sexuality but that as well. Keep an open dialogue with them. They just want to keep you safe and you're embarking on a life they may know nothing about. They don't know how to protect you from this. Show them you are making informed and mature decisions.
Good luck!
