17 y/o trans masc enby ready to give up on this whole life thing
I'm almost 18, so I just have to hold on until then but it's really hard. I need GAHT and top surgery or I won't make it very far past 18. It's painful to look at myself and see the feminine features I have (I look pretty androgynous but my voice and chest give me away ಥ‿ಥ). Besides the fact that I am not nice and thin with veiny muscles like I wish I was, my body is fairly masculine in shape besides the obvious presence of small breasts *mentally gags*. Idk how I'm gonna manage when every time I think about how so many people hate my existence and would rather see my funeral than my transition come to fruition, I want to curl up in a ball and drown in my own fucking tears. I don't understand why I can't just get fucking hormones and be happy like everyone else is just because of my goddamn age.
@be6the6anomaly6
I'm so sorry you feel this way and i wish I could just give you hug and tell you everything is going to be ok. Things will get better, I promise. when you feel this way just think of the people who care about you, family, friends, or friendly internet strangers like myself who see you. Just hold on a little longer.
in the meantime have you looked into getting a chest binder, if moneys an issue see if you can find a sports bra from walmart or a thrift store
Thanks for replying, I have 2 binders and would like more but money is a big problem. Not because my dad doesn't have any (he makes enough for multiple people to live off of but chooses to share the bare minimum amount with my mom, because he didn't want us and sees us all as roommates that try to mooch off of him instead of people he's supposed to take care of as the only person with a job), but because he only gives my mom a monthly amount for food while he's away working. He doesn't care that inflation is an unfortunate thing that exists, and already wants to kick me out as soon as I turn 18 because he fucking hates me and wouldn't care if I died (I know this because he called me names and said I was just trying to ruin his life when I tried to k!ll myself in 7th grade from an overwhelming amount of abuse coming not only from him but my teachers and "friends" at the time, and he got mad and refused to pay for my inpatient time at a hospital an hour away so I didn't actually get any help there, just time away from him which was a good thing but not enough). He'd kick me out now if he knew I was trans and still doubts the fact that I'm some kind of gay at all. He's a big reason for most of my problems...
Heyy..
I just feel like you have been blessed with such an opportunity. Transitioning is a tough phase to go through and it is completely normal to feel the way that you are, or just hating the way you look rn but you know there is a clear and beautiful sky after a storm. And people would always say things either way... So why not do what you like. And you took a decision strong enough.
Just a few more steps!!!❤️
@be6the6anomaly6
hello fellow trans masc.
um, i don't really have much advice for you except to avoid looking in the mirror and try and find supportive friends. maybe learn sign language as well so you don't have to talk?
okay, i don't think me being "funny" is helping.
basically, just try to keep holding on. i still have at least 5 years to wait, so i'm right here with you. with the needing more binders, maybe try and DIY one (wikihow as a guide), or get a weekend job so you can afford it.
all in all, you'll find a way.
*hugs*
