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Bathroom Dilemma

User Profile: that1goosethatEATSyourbread
that1goosethatEATSyourbread April 3rd, 2025

Hello there! I’m AFAB, but like four years ago now, I realised that title doesn’t sound right for me, so I went on a whole mess trying to figure out what in the world I am. I eventually I just said “you know, I don’t really care what I am, just as long as no one be calling me something I know I’m not” So I just told my friends my pronouns (they/him/its) and called it a day. But now at school when I’m going to the boys bathroom, they’re just like “dude, that’s so creepy, why’re you going to our bathroom” but then I go to the girl’s bathroom and they’re like “hold on, I thought you said you were a boy” And the thing with the bathroom for all genders is that they banned the students from using it because a bunch of boys trashed it. 

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla April 3rd, 2025
@that1goosethatEATSyourbread I'm so sorry about this. People don't realize that being kicked out of heavily gendered spaces (that have no reason to be gendered anyway, since bathroom stalls can be closed and it's no one's business what happens inside) can have a huge impact on the quality of everyday life. They treat you like you're disrupting their space while you're just exercising a basic right.

I'm not sure there's a right or wrong way to handle this, unfortunately no option is ideal. Having a gender neutral bathroom is the right thing to do, and it's unfair that no one is allowed to use it since someone destroyed it. What if someone trashed the girl's bathroom, would they close it for good? It just shows your school has no interest in maintaining a gender neutral space. Option one would be to write an appeal to your head teacher or whoever can draw attention to the problem and demand that the gender neutral bathroom is restored. This would allow both you and other student to be granted a fundamental right. The problem, though, is that this is a long road and it's going to take time and effort.
Option two would be to just go to whatever available bathroom feels better to you and ignore what others say, but once again, there are problems with this solution too: "just ignoring" harassment is not easy at all and it can make you feel like you don't belong anywhere.

Try to ponder the pros and cons of both options, but don't forget that whatever obstacle you may find, it says more about the intolerance of people than it says about you. You are valid just the way you are.
1 reply
User Profile: that1goosethatEATSyourbread
that1goosethatEATSyourbread OP April 4th, 2025

@Aayla

thank you! I’ll definitely list out the pros and cons of each. Someone did trash the girls bathroom (a bunch of boys), and I didn’t see what was so wrong in them entering the girl’s bathroom, just as long as they didn’t trash it… which is what they did. I didn’t even think about asking for someone to open it. 

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User Profile: niceDay7368
niceDay7368 July 16th

@that1goosethatEATSyourbread
My advice, don't pay attention, you have the right to go where you feel most at ease. I'm also tired of trying to prove something to the crowd. But at home, I've created a completely relaxing place for myself. I hired bathroom renovation Toronto for the renovation, and the craftsmen were very imaginative. They installed a touchless flush that responds to a gentle wave of your hand, and they even managed to build a mini-fridge for storing cosmetics right into the wall next to the bathtub. Now I never leave it. Create your own safe space and save yourself the stress.

User Profile: lunaloveschocolate
lunaloveschocolate July 18th

The bathroom can be a scary place for people like us. As a trans girl that is sometimes seen as masculine, I understand the feeling of being scared of using the bathroom that best fits you, and when people try to “stop” you. I know this is better said than done, but don’t be scared of the bathroom police—you know which bathroom fits you best. Do what is safe or best for you.

Best of luck out there. <3

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