Please tell me if this is normal
Hey, I just wanted to put this out there. So, I'm 20 years old, and it wasn't until last year that I really began to question my gender identity. I grew up in a religious household, and as a result I never questioned my identity because I guess i felt like I didn't have a choice either way. I was a girl, a tomboy, maybe, but I was still a girl.
Turns out, maybe I'm not quite as cishet as I thought I was? I have recently been trying they/them pronouns, and they're pretty cool. I go by a more neutral name on some of my social media accounts, and that's cool, too.
But...
I dunno, I feel wrong for questioning my identity at all. What I mean is, I only have minor dysphoria. Other people have it so much worse than me, you know? And I'm just now questioning my gender, but if I really was nonbinary or trans or whatever, then I should have known about it sooner, like in early childhood and not adulthood. I almost wish I could just forget the whole they/them thing and just accept that I am female. Wouldn't it be easier that way?
But I cant stop thinking about it. My brain wont leave me alone about it. "Ever since you got that short haircut, people have been looking at you differently." "If you wear two sports bras instead of just one, maybe you wont have to hunch so much at work." "Why did you put eyeliner on today, arent you supposed to be trying to look more masculine?" "Why even bother with the sports bras if you're gonna wear skinny Jeans that show your hips?" "It's almost like you're just doing it for attention, huh?"
Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like they fake everything about themselves. At this point, I cant even tell if I'm faking it or not, and I dont know where to go from here. I'm just...tired.
Hi it's nice to meet you. I was raised in a very Christian home where we couldn't question anything either..from what you said I go through that alot as I'm new to the lgtbq thing..my wife and i have trouble with it and I'm just trying to figure out if I'm Trans or just a crossdresser or what?? Anyways I'm here if you need and have a good day
@turquoiseleech7247
Hey, I know I may have seen this a bit late and I wasn't in a highly religious family or anything but I saw the heading and it got me curious. After reading your post I don't know if this helps but plenty of people don't question their gender until later in life. Also you can express you'r gender however you would like. There is no "right way" to express your gender.
@turquoiseleech7247
Hi, I'm sorry I'm so late,
I was raised in a very religious/conservative household as well. It definitely limits what you're exposed to, and what you're educated on and how.
There are so many things I'd like to say, if it's alright.
Firstly, this is a huge misconception that is shown a lot when gender nonconforming people are spoken about. You don't need dysphoria to be a gender that isn't what you were assigned at birth. A lot of people don't know that they're nonbinary/trans/etc until later in life! It just depends on when you learn about what gender means to you, and how it can change! The age range for people who discover that they are, are generally form 5-75 years old! Knowing that you are gnc (gender nonconforming) from the time you were a child can happen, though it is not how all stories go!
It would be easier to push it away, but I've got to say, if it's on your mind that much/that heavily, chances are it won't go away and can lead to more pain when you repress yourself.
From the paragraph where you point out some thoughts you have/things you do, it does sound like you have some dysphoria around how you dress/present. Also, I want to make sure you know, how you dress/present doesn't represent what pronouns you use or what your gender identity is! Clothes and makeup don't have a gender, that's a really common thing that society has pushed, especially in most religious groups.
When I first figured out that I was trans, I felt like it couldn't possibly be. I never felt 'trapped in my body' as a kid, I never just knew I was a boy inside. But when I found out that what I'd been taught about gnc/trans/nonbinary people was based on stereotypes and that scientific studies have proven that it is real and valid, I did my own research, and I realized that I am a boy, and there were signs, but I wasn't educated enough from my surroundings.
I'm younger than you by a few years, and even when I was questioning my own gender I thought I was too old, but it is entirely normal and valid to find out at a later age. I heard this story, about a society where everyone is always wearing shoes. Everyone is always walking around, wearing their shoes and being comfy. If someone had a stone in their shoe, but don't know what a stone is, or that it's possible to have one in your shoe, you'll get use to ignoring it. But once you find out what a stone is, and that that is what is in your shoe, it'll be really hard not to think about getting it out of your shoe.
Lots and lots of people in the community I've spoken to (including myself) have spoken about feeling most, if not all, the things you've mentioned.
I'm really proud of you for having the strength the figure this out and explore these things! I hope you've felt better since you made this post, and I'm here if you ever need anything :)