Pronouns ;;
Hiii this is my first post here hehe excuse my awkwardness
So, a few years ago I questioned my gender identity, but thanks to all the transphobia I experienced on the internet, I sorta shut away that part of me that was exploring myself and settled in being a cisgender girl. Every so often, I think about the what ifs.. what if I had let myself explore a bit more?? Who would I be now? And I feel strongly connected with they/them pronouns. No one has ever used them to refer to me, but I feel really comfortable in them. There are also moments in my life where I feel a lot better when I present androgynous to people, but these moments come and go. I feel like the set of pronouns I’d use are they/she. However, I don’t think I experience physical dysphoria, and the label trans just doesn’t seem to fit. I’m not sure if it’s okay to go with these pronouns and still be cis, or if I might be non-binary. I’m so confused and telling people that I think I prefer they/she scares me.
hi !!! im a bit new too, so dont worry! names juni, she/he and while im not a gender expert™ i am nonbinary and i can definitely relate to you on many of these feelings :O
tldr will be at the bottom but i tried my best to further explain everything bc gender has way too much terminology that you only know by the trade or having a trans/enby friend lol
responses with asterisks (*) have further sources to learn more (which will also be at the bottom), and i will be linking more sources if you would like to look at more nonbinary sources (they are carrds by the way, so they dont go super in depth)
first of all, its perfectly fine to use any pronouns that you want and still be cisgendered ! pronouns are just your gender "expression". gender expression is how you (for lack of a better term) "express" yourself through clothes, pronouns, etc. its similar how you are able to express yourself normally through your hairstyle, clothes, makeup, etc.! gender expression gender identity (i.e. you can be a girl and wear short hair or a boy and wear dresses). you can use any pronouns you want and identify as any gender you want!!
*secondly, you dont have to feel "physical" dysphoria or any medically diagnosed dysphoria. many of us just feel "gender incongruence" — which is kind of a feeling where we feel more comfortable, happier, or just better expressing ourselves differently or being in a different body.
the same goes with the label "trans". you do not have to identify with the label trans if you dont want to, and there are MANY nonbinary people who do not identify as trans and thats perfectly fine! "trans" is simply an "umbrella term" (think of a giant umbrella that covers everything! transgender = someone who identifies as a gender outside of what they were assigned at birth. it is very nonspecific). i have also attached a little diagram that explains this a lot more!
dont worry, its perfectly fine to be confused, gender is a complete trainwreck :) it doesnt hurt to reach out though to get a helping hand! i would consider doing more research and taking baby steps if you want to by they/she. sometimes its good to start off with talking to one trusted person about it and the moving further! i also know some people just slowly started changing their pronoun like from she/her -> she/they -> they/she -> they/them if thats something that might similarly work out for you. also remember, please stay safe as well!
i wish you good luck, and please feel to reply if theres anything you might be confused about or if you have any other questions i can try to help out with !!
tldr:
you can use any pronouns and be cis! gender expression gender identity !! and you dont need to have gender dysphoria to identify as trans or an enby! some of us have gender incongruence or may feel apathetic :) !!!!! you also dont have to use the label trans if you dont want too ^^ its ok to be scared, gender is freaky and its ok to take small steps forward, you got this!
*gender incongruence: https://nondysphoric.carrd.co,
extra nonbinary sources:
https://enbyeducation.carrd.co
https://nonbinaryeducation.carrd.co
Thank you so much! I think I’ll start trying they/she pronouns! Oh and one question, what’s “feel apathetic”? Tysm again :D
@affectionateTangerine9201 np !! sorry for the late response, i didnt get a notifcation for some reason 😓 i think you might need to @ someone s username in replies for notifications but not sure.
also, thats really great, its always 100% awesome to experiment wih pronouns !!
gender apathy/apathetic is basically feeling indifferent about gender and really not caring what people gender you as/what gender others view you! i can run down a further explanation but kind of imagine like day to day life in a sense. apathy just means a lack of concern and care to a particular subject. for example, someone asks you what food you want for dinner and you just are apathetic and dont care what food you get. you can basically apply that but with gender and how people view your gender ^^
@Unenviablememory96 I have to disagree with some of this.. first off, you said that people don’t have to have dysphoria to be trans (I personally disagree but I know I’m in the minority there), they may just have “gender incongruence” as in being happier expressing yourself differently? But didn’t you also say that gender identity doesn’t equal expression? Besides that, pronouns. They have two purposes: make a sentence easier (rather than using a persons name over and over) and indicating gender. A woman can’t be he and a man can’t be she, that goes against the reason we have he and she instead of everyone being they. It doesn’t make sense to say anyone can use any pronouns. I don’t mean to start conflict, but I wanted to put in my two cents.
