Questioning my Gender Identity
I am actually someone questioning my gender identity. My gender expression is 'typically female' and I am Assigned Female at Birth. I like dressing 'like a girl' and 'looking like a girl'. But I highly dislike being called a girl, Miss or whatever. I also do not prefer she/her pronouns and prefer they/them instead. She/her is still fine though I don't like it, but Miss or girl is something l just hate being called. I think I might be non-binary, but how can I be sure?
@exuberantBlackberry9105
As you say gender identity and gender expression are two different things, and while they will often match up, that is not always the case. It sounds like you may find that your gender identity is non-binary, even while your gender expression is in line with a girl's.
For example I have asked myself "Do I dress this way because I like it, because it's comfortable for me, or because it's considered feminine and what is expected of me?" For me it's because I find it comfortable and like dressing that way and it has nothing to do with it being feminine/female gender expression. But I was raised in a home where I was taught gender stereotypes were just stereotypes and that we should like what we like. So personally I tend to reject the social construct of gender entirely even while I am fine with she/her pronouns and my favourite dresses all have to pass a "spin test".
I'm not sure there is any "way to be certain" other than to just trust how you feel, if different pronouns will make you more comfortable then hopefully others in your life will learn and respect that. Sometimes having people respect and use your preferred pronouns can help, especially if it makes you feel good. Having that confirmation can help you feel more confident about what you know/feel is true for you.
@EmotionsListener Thank you so much!
Well, if I would answer that question, I would say "Because I like it." But honestly, I would be pretty much okay with any kind of clothing as long as it feels comfortable and fits me properly, even if it's considered traditionally masculine. I am being raised in a home where I too am misinformed about gender by my parents. My mother has taught me that there are three genders — male, female, and transgender, which means 'hijra' in my mother's opinion. But in reality, hijra and transgender are different things and are not interchangeable terms or is transgender the English term for hijra. Um... what do you mean by "My favourite dresses all have to pass a 'spin test'."?
I actually meant to say that I would prefer people call me they/them. I honestly don't think others in my life will respect that, because everyone I know thinks they/them is always plural, and my school is not at all LGBTQ+ friendly. It would also be very difficult for people to respect my pronouns when they speak in other languages, because some languages don't have gender-neutral pronouns.
@exuberantBlackberry9105
It can be challenging especially translating terms into different languages as some cultures have long had a third gender others never have, some have an ambiguous singular, while others don't. Even in English "they/them" wasn't accepted as a singular until recently. For example it was added to Meriam Webster's dictionary in September of 2019 and then made "2019 the word of the year." People had been using it that way for years but the dictionary finally accepted it as such. 😄 But as you say many languages lack such words or are even structured in ways that don't allow for those kinds of words, which I think is why so many new words are being created as people try to carve out that space for themselves in so many different languages.
As to the "spin test" - when I was little I wanted to wear dresses all the time, but I loved full skirts so that every dress had to have some degree of flaring out when I would twirl. Now I like dresses that are less twirl worthy too, but I still have a few that just get that lovely flow when you spin and make me want to spin around and around. But growing up I'd happily go out and play in the mud picking up bugs and toads wearing my prettiest dress and some rainboots. Because I was given the freedom to like what I liked. I regularly am told I'm overdressed but that's how I am comfortable and I still catch myself dressed up in my nice dresses doing my housework.
But yes, I hope you find some way to find acceptance from others and gain respect for who you are and how you identify.
