Transitioning and venting

Hey, so I just needed to vent a little bit about transitioning as a non-binary individual. I identify as non-binary, and though there are specific micro-labels for my gender, it doesn't feel worth it to explain them to people. Essentially, I am genderfluid between agender (during which all dysphoria and euphoria are essentially neutralized), androgynous (though my expression is still feminine), demifemale, and female. I would guess I'm agender probably 35% of the time, androgynous 45% of the time, demifemale 15% of the time, and female 5% of the time. In other words, I'm almost never a binary gender. Anyway, what makes me so frustrated about transitioning (aside knowing how hard it will be to actually get healthcare, transphobic politics, hateful people, family that will almost definitely deadname me, discrimination, how expensive it is, and a myriad of mental health problems) is how estrogen would actually affect me. It sounds great in almost every way except for two things--It sterilizes you, and I don't know if I want to have kids someday, and it causes breast growth. Now oddly enough I have an interesting case of very minor gynecomastia on my left breast, which is kinda neat, but 95% of the time breasts would give me dysphoria. That other 5% of the time, I would LOVE to have them, but one-twentieth of the time doesn't feel quite worth it? But there are so many benefits like less hair growth, fat redistribution, softer skin--and I would really like that! I'm aware this is never an easy decision for anyone to make, and I'm not planning on rushing into it. I almost feel like the breast thing would be worth it--since the amount of euphoria would generally outweigh the dysphoria of the breasts, and there are ways (such as binders) that can help with it. But... I just really don't know about sterilization. I really don't know if I want kids or not... I'm sorry, I'm sure this is a really common problem and I probably just need to deal with it on my own, but I just needed to vent my frustration here.