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Words like "crossdress", "femboy"

User Profile: dysprodyspro
dysprodyspro February 25th, 2025

Tomorrow marks my first attempt at being in a virtual support group for trans masculine people. I've identified as male (FTM) for almost twelve years now but I just came out to my mother and sibling a few weeks ago. I'm also gay.

I'm discovering that a huge portion of who I am revolves around crossdressing. I want to identify as a femboy while wearing feminine clothing. This isn't because I'm nonbinary in anyway, I still want to be called he/him while wearing skirts. I just bought a bunch of clothes to just wear in my room when my mom isn't home because she makes fun of me. I love her very much but she isn't the most sensitive person.

I'm worried that if I tell other transmen/trans masculine people that crossdressing is a part of my identity, they will think lesser of that identity or believe I'm not really transgender. It shouldn't matter, right? Lots of cismen crossdress, why can't transmen? But I have a history of being rejected by other people in the LGBTQ community as a teenager. It's not impossible.

A lot of this is very new to me. Are words like "crossdresser" and "femboy" going to insult people? Or are they okay to use?

To close this vent, thank you for existing as an online source I could go to, this website means a lot to me.

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla February 25th, 2025
@dysprodyspro I get why you feel this way: gender norms and stereotypes affect everyone, even trans people can be influnced by them, unfortunately. Sometimes there's this idea that binary trans people should also identify with the gender stereotypes connected to the gender they identify with, so trans men are expected to look hyper masculine and reject everything that society associates with femininity. But stereotypes are called stereotypes for a reason: they're not universal. Everyone is entitled to whatever expression fits them best, no matter what stereotypes are associated with them. You don't have to "prove" your masculinity by adhering to social norms. Femininity and masculinity mean different things for different people, and it's your right to express yourself as you wish and define your own masculinity however fits you best. Being trans doesn't mean switching from one sterotype to another.

That being said, surely not everyone will understand. Some will be in good faith, maybe they don't judge you but they genuinely don't understand: in the case, if you have the will and the energy to express what crossdressing and gender expression mean to you, you can do that and maybe you'll find someone who stand by your side! Otherwise, if they just straight up judge you, it's not up to you to make them change their mind. Share and explain as much as you want, but don't burden yourself too much. One person can't do all the work to dismantle gender stereotypes. Find your supportive people and stay close to them, they'll make you feel a lot better!
1 reply
User Profile: dysprodyspro
dysprodyspro OP February 25th, 2025

@Aayla Thank you so much for your helpful words! I have to focus on being excited and open-minded I think, rather than focusing on how scary this seems. Maybe people will judge me but that isn't a reflection on myself. I'll try. Thanks!

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User Profile: SleepyMylo
SleepyMylo February 27th, 2025

@dysprodyspro

Hi! :) I just wanted to offer you some encouragement and support to live your life as your true and authentic self! You can totally be a trans guy and a femboy at the same time! It doesn't make you any less of a man and you deserve to feel awesome and good about yourself no matter what you wear or how you choose to express yourself! I'm a femboy myself! If you ever want to talk or chat more about it I'd be happy to. 😊

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