idk anymore
i came out to my parents about my sexuality a couple years ago and i am so lucky that they both were supportive. during that time, i also changed my gender identity for a while. i started going by they/them (i was born female). my parents were supportive, struggled a lot with it, but supportive nonetheless. unfortunately, trying those pronouns as school didn’t work. no one wanted to respect them or the new name i chose, my birth name is very feminine. i gave up. it was no use, no one even tried anymore. i tried to correct people, but they couldn’t.
when i went to university this past year, i started going by she/they. it worked for my friends and family cause they could still use feminine compliments and the she/her pronouns. and it “worked” for me cause i still had the they if anyone wanted to use those pronouns. well, if you are surrounded by predominantly straight friends and straight family members… they only use she/her. which i was fine with. until now.
i’ve been experiencing some intense gender envy. i don't necessarily want to be a guy, but i want the option cause some day i feel very masculine. i don’t know if i fit under the non-binary umbrella. like it seems like the most logical option, but idk if that’s me. it could be me, idk. i feel with me, i either want to be feminine or just not be a gender at all.
i honestly don’t know what to do. i feel like in society eyes, i have to be a girl. i am big chested (DDD38) so it’s hard to look gender-less if that makes sense? honestly, they have been a problem for me since 3rd grade when they started growing… i always felt weird about it. i hate them to be honest, but like, not much i can do as a broke college student.
idk, i’m looking for advice but also a place to vent. all my friends are straight and i have a boyfriend as well who is cis-het. so none of them really understand.
my boyfriend is also a factor that is stressing me out. like what if i find out my gender identity after 5 years, us being together for a year and 5 months, and he just up and leaves cause he can’t deal with it?? idk, i’m so confused and i need help.
@modestSpring hi there! thank you for sharing that with us. it was brave of you. i hope you manage to find the best help possible <3
@modestSpring
i relate to your feelings so much in terms of not knowing where you fall under the gender umbrella. it causes me so much stress trying to understand and label myself that i have just given up and accepted that everyone is going to view me as female even if that's not how i feel, because i do not present myself masculine enough for anyone to validate me in that sense? same thing happened with my friends in terms of using she/they pronouns, as i have mentioned it multiple times but no one close to me uses they/them for me.
i think it could help if you are able to make connections with more individuals who are part of the lgbtq+ community who can support and validate you. i am happy to be one of them!
in terms of your relationship with your boyfriend, is he aware of your concerns with your gender identity? i feel like being as though you have been together for quite a while, he would be respectful if you share your fears with him.