Bisexual with unsupportive partner
Hello, I am new here. I'm a bi woman in relationship with a straight man. We've been together for almost two years. Thing is he doesn't see me as a bi woman. He knows but it's like he doesn't want to acknowledge or talk about it. Everytime I bring anything from our queer culture he tenses up and doesn't comment or day anything. It feels as if he takes any expression of my queer identity as a personal offense. He really thinks that all the queer stuff is about people saying I like *** or *** and of course it's not, it's so much more. I feel like that part of me is being censored or erased when I'm with him and it doesn't help that we pass as a heteronormative couple. All of our friends treats us as simply straight. It's like I am no longer bi to the world. I don't even have queer friends to let out that part of my personality. I thought I was ok with just keeping that side of me quiet since I'd have to choose someone to marry anyway it just so happens that it was a boy. But now I feel like this is not ok. I worked hard to learn to love myself and be proud of who I am only to have that side of me disappear bc I am with a man. I'm starting to feel restless now. I don't know what to do. And before you mention it, I did bring this up with him and explained what it all means to me, the culture the part of my personality and he seemed to agree with me but in the end nothing has changed. He still gives me the silent treatment. Doesn't celebrate me. Not at all. The worst part is I know what it's like to have a supportive partner. And yeah it's different. I'm just afraid, I decided to let myself be openly bi again, to find ways to express it, to find queer friends no matter what he thinks of it. Bc I am tired, I feel like this force inside asking for change. I'm just worried about what I'll find at the end of this road. Will this lead us to break up or we'll we find a way to have him accept ne and celebrate my queerness with me? I don't know. If anybody has some guidance I'll appreciate it thanks.
@queerlionheart
H there. Thanks for reaching out.
Being With a man doesn’t make you any less ‘bi’ and quite rightly you want to express yourself and not feel as if you’re hidden away. It’s not who you are. The fact your partner has gone silent on this suggests he’s either uncomfortable with this, he’s scared of losing you of he may just see it as irrelevant. Who knows, maybe you can share more why this is, but that doesn’t excuse him for the silence and lack of support.
I do think without a further deeper conversation, talking about your relationship and seeing where he’s at with this, you may not be able to move forward. Of course, you’ll need to be prepared for different outcomes.
