Cozy in the Closet (Day 5 of Living Beyond a Label!)
While a lot of people focus on coming out as almost a right of passage for LGBTQ+ people, the reality is, coming out is your choice, and is not an obligation. You don’t owe it to the community, you don’t owe it to your romantic partner or anyone else.
There can be many reasons why someone may wish to remain in the closet, sometimes it’s a matter of personal safety, familial pressure, cultural pressure, or just a matter of personal comfort and privacy. No matter what the reason, it is your choice if and when you come out. Your identity is no less real or valid just because you haven’t come out.
Overall when coming out may lead to rejection, discrimination or the loss of your support system, staying in the closet may protect your mental, emotional and physical well-being, making it a very reasonable choice.
So then how can we make the closet a bit more comfortable?
❤️Join online communities - Like 7 cups!
Anonymous LGBTQ+ spaces can be a place where you can connect and get support without outing yourself. These spaces can even help you prepare if you do choose to come out!
🧡 Write it out
Journaling can be a way to process what you are feeling and understand your own identity.
💛 Express yourself
Find clothing, artistic outlets, or other activities that allow you to create and explore who you are.
💚 Explore LGBTQ+ Media
Connect with your identity through reading, music, and watching tv or movies. Seeing these representations can help you feel less alone.
💙 Practice self-acceptance!
Be mindful of how you speak to yourself, and let the closet be a place of safety instead of a space of shame or guilt.
💜 Remember you are not alone!
Questions to consider:
- Do you think coming out should always be a personal choice? Why or why not?
- Are you out or in the closet? What helped you decide?
- How can we support friends or partners who are not out?
Another really good topic.
- Do you think coming out should always be a personal choice? Why or why not?
Yes. It's your identity and your life and no one is entitled to either. - Are you out or in the closet? What helped you decide?
Yes, and I was inspired by older peers! - How can we support friends or partners who are not out?
Listen listen listen! Find out what they need, and how you can be there for them, and if they would like any specific kinds of validation from you. Just be actively there for them, through thick and thin.
@EmotionsListener
1) Do you think coming out should always be a personal choice? Why or why not?
Absolutely, it's a personal choice that should only be made if and when the person is ready for it and think they'll find more benefit than trouble in being themselves openly. Safety is important, and even in a safe environment it's ok to wait until you feel ready to handle whatever challenge may come. Living and expressing your identity freely can be great and liberating, but it's up to every person to decide for themselves. You don't "owe" a coming out to anyone, no matter how close they are.
2) Are you out or in the closet? What helped you decide?
I came out as bisexual to my friends, because I know they are supportive and I can express myself freely with them. With people I don't know well, I decide from time to time whether letting them know is worth it or not. Are these people gonna play a big role in my life, or just passing by? Will they be supportive? Is it important for them to know? I judge based on these and other questions.
3) How can we support friends or partners who are not out?
We can provide them with a safe space to express themselves: for example, if our friends are trans, they can dress however they prefer when they come to visit, even if they can't do so everywhere.
We can listen to their worries, share feelings and experiences, provide them with supportive resources if they don't know any. We can talk about their identity or not make a big deal out of it, depending on what they prefer.
Most importantly, we can support the community by making wise political choices, attending protests, donating to supportive organizations when we can, educating others.
