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Fear to truly live

User Profile: intellectualScarf1656
intellectualScarf1656 January 14th

My dad was always the road block to my identity. A friend walked me home from school and now my dad thinks I’m gay. This is utterly stupid to make assumptions. This friend was so kind to walk me home but she has a BF and not into woman. This is not the first time my dad thought he knew I was gay. I am in the closet but I have not given my dad a hint that I am. He works with other queer people but they are older and predatory and do not represent the community at all. I’m scared my dad’s clouded pov is going to either get me kicked out of the house or killed. I don’t knkw where his mind is but being homosexual is the end of the world. I still don’t know for sure that I am a lesbian or bi or pan or whatever so I can’t confirm to him that. I don’t want to lie but I think that’s the only thing keeping me alive. I don’t know what to say to him as I deny him my sexuality but then again he is worried about the wrong thing so I keep myself in the dark.

2
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 January 15th

@intellectualScarf1656

There's nothing wrong with who you are.

And what you feel.

And taking your time, and exploring who you are.

This doesn't have to be shared with anyone else, even your own family.

💚

i-love-you-love-you.gif

User Profile: Aayla
Aayla January 15th
@intellectualScarf1656 this is  an incredibly tough position to be in. You shouldn't have to hide from the people you should be the safest with, like family. But you don't owe the truth about yourself to anyone, and it's ok to prioritize your safety and well-being. Your father seems to be very obsessive about this, and he's not likely to be willing to listen and understand if you were to come out right now. It's ok to think about your own protection first!

Better days will come. You'll be more independent and you won't have to live in fear of his reaction anymore. You'll be able to express yourself freely to whoever you feel the safest with. Until that moment, hold on and don't let your father get to your head, don't let anyone make you believe there's something wrong with you. You're worthy of happiness and freedom, and you'll get there one day.

If you feel alone, look for the support of people who value who you are, no matter what. You can come out to trusted, LGBT supportive friends, a counsellor, or whoever you trust enough to welcome and embrace this side of you and keep this private until you're willing to share it. You don't have to do this alone.
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