Feeling rather sad

Recently a lot has happened. I've been trying to push myself to get out of my situation. My biggest hurdle is not knowing how to drive in a very rural area not meant for people like me. If my family was more accepting it really wouldn't be a big deal but they are very much not. I felt very down recently because I have come to the conclusion that I will always be depressed unless I transition. I've been experimenting a lot with my gender for awhile now and I just feel more like me when I'm fem... I hate my body so much... I have felt like this since at least ten when I first started getting jealous of girls... I just don't understand why it has to be me? Why do I have to deal with this? Why couldn't I just be gay? I hate my life... I am happy that I have someone now I can be honest with my gender identity around but my family will probably not accept me and I don't know what to do... I want to transition but I'm soo scared cuz what if I can't hide it?