First relationship/situationship, I’m so lost

to elaborate it’s not the first time in a situationship ever, I’ve had crushes, though they were particular or brief situations that went nowhere and I’ve gone on one date but I realized very quickly I didn’t like him. So this is the first time it actually feels like it could become something real and I’m so, incredibly anxious and spiraling haha. It’s not her fault, she’s wonderful. We’ve been friends for a little while and I’ve always been very comfortable and maybe even felt a little bit of feelings? But I always squashed them deep down. But we got closer recently, hugs and leaning on each other and I was happy with that and content to be happy with that despite small small brief pangs of irrational jealousy that I knew wasn’t healthy so never voiced hahaa… anyways in the middle of thoroughly convincing myself we’re just friends she confesses she likes me, a part of it is there’s a chance we’ll dorm together next year(a situation I can’t even begin to figure out because this is already distracting me from the many other more urgent things I need to be taking care of when I’m not spiraling over this) so she didn’t feel it would be fair to agree to that without telling me. Which is fair. But we’ve been just friends for so long and she said she just likes being clingy with friends so I guess a part of it is I struggle to believe she really is interested in me or just really likes me as a friend? Even though she said she does.

The other part of it is in confused about how I feel. For context I think I either have a very anxious or fearful avoidant attachment style, I had a really rough relationship with my family growing up and this being possibly my first relationship, it might have resurfaced a lot of that stress. It’s so bad that for days after she confessed I was so anxious I felt I don’t have any feelings for her and just wanted to run away but didn’t want to hurt her so I just spiraled and broke down crying. I’m still fighting conflicting urges to reach out and get closer or stop reaching out at all over fear which I know is awful and she deserves better.

I love being around her and I care about her so much, and I’ll have random fuzzy thoughts that I want to hold her hand or lean on her and get closer but as soon as she’s out of sight I withdraw, beat myself up over anything I did because Im also scared of the relationship progressing and all the ways it could go wrong and the ways I’ll hurt her, so scared I suddenly want to just give up and not try at all. I’m scared to text her or do anything to indicate I’m more confident in my feelings than I feel I am just because I want her to be happy. In like a, I like making people I care about happy so I feel pressure from myself to express more interest in her despite how unsure of my own feelings I feel because I don’t want to disappoint her with my confusion and withdrawal. I don’t want to disappoint or hurt her but I also hate how I feel like that’s leading her on.

But I also don’t know how to help the relationship progress… normally? At a pace I feel comfortable with? Without feeling like we’re just… staying friends and acting like we’re still just friends because I do want to explore more with her, I just know she means a lot to me. It doesn’t help we both have many many roommates and pda makes my anxiety about all this worse. So I don’t know how I would get one on one time with her to build that intimacy like, comfortably.