How do I know if he's gay

Hi,

I feel confused, sad, and somewhat lost. I’ve developed feelings for a close friend, who I’ll call Steve, but I’m not sure how he sees me or our friendship. Sometimes I get the feeling he might share similar feelings towards me, but I’m not certain because he acts in ways that confuse me. I often think about some situations that have made me doubt.

For example, **he once said "good night, love"** in a message after I congratulated him on his birthday, and I don’t understand why he used that word when we’re not in that type of relationship. Also, he often calls me “love,” even though he tells me it’s because his father calls some of his friends that way and he finds it funny, but **he doesn’t call anyone else in our group “love,” only me.** Another thing is when we once went for coffee just the two of us, without the rest of the group, and it was really wonderful.

I also think about a time when he jokingly i repeat jokingly, but you know the saying half of a joke is true, anyways he said that he might be gay, and how he acted about it. **All of these situations have caused a lot of confusion and uncertainty** about what he really thinks and feels about me.

He also said that he is okay with people being gay because he has a gay friend but doesn't that mean that he is completely straight since he didn't try anything with that guy. Honestly it is destroying me from the inside.

Also, I remember him saying that every time he tried being in a relationship with a girl, it went badly because he’d “cool off” after the first date. This made me think, “Well, maybe he’s actually gay, like me.” He’s also **kissed a few girls**, which again creates confusion because I’m not sure how that fits into all of this.

I’m going through a lot of uncertainty and thinking about all of this, and it’s really painful. I often wonder if he’s straight and how our friendship would be affected if I showed him how I truly feel. I’m trying to balance not wanting to ruin our friendship but at the same time, I can’t ignore my emotions. I’m afraid that if I make any move toward him, I might lose him as a friend.

I don’t have many people to turn to for support because **no one but one friend knows I’m gay**, and we don’t talk much anymore. That leaves me feeling very lonely, because I’m scared I’ll have to keep all of this to myself. Maybe I’m just pretending this isn’t happening, but I think it’s only making it worse.

I feel like I might go crazy from the stress and uncertainty because I’m not sure how to handle this. Honestly, I’m not even sure what to pray for anymore, but I feel like I need someone to share my thoughts and feelings with.

I’m asking for help in figuring out how to cope with this situation and how to deal with my emotions towards my friend. And also the big question is he gay or not????

I apologise for any grammatical error since English is not my primary language.