I CAME OUT TO MY SUBSTITUTE TEACHER AND I NEED TO SHARE ABOUT IT

Okay so my actual english teacher hasn't been there for the three months we've been in school this year so far? She came back recently but is still in and out. She has health complications

But we had this temporary sub, Mr dennis. And like. He's a 50 year old man, who lacks an english degree like assigned 13 chapters in one night what the *** and he's hard of hearing

We had to hand in this one paper. He said "thank you ma'am" and I dunno something on my expression and he noticed and immediately like whisper asked what my pronouns were- But mother *** couldn't hear me say he/him because he's hard of hearing and I'm soft spoken and we were already whispering and he always let's the class out early for lunch and I said I was waiting till everyone left-

Then when everyone left I said it and he talked about how he has trans friends and family and like he was asking about how lgbtq people are treated on campus like what the actual issues are. And he said some *** like "what I learned is that coming out doesn't affect anyone except you. It doesn't affect me" and he said "being you is the most important thing you can do" and he also said a "little tolerance goes a long way"

And this was all during a conversation about how people can be stupid and really cruel to people who are different in anyway.

Afterwards I kinda gave him a hug and walked out. I was smiling a *** ton though. Andddd that night I proceeded to cut my hair off at 12:00am!

I just can't believe someone noticed someone *** noticed. Someone noticed and I finally finally *** told someone I'm a boy- someone in real life-

He waved at me in the hallway even when I didn't have him in class. He still waved at me

I've been struggling a lot with my gender recently- I'm a trans man- but the only transitioning I've done is like asking people to call me vyan but that's only people at school

But the idea of having to live as woman makes my skin crawl. I can't do it. I just can't. I could dissociate and ignor it for years but I'm 18 now and have to get my license have to go to college have to get a job

And just the thought of being perceived as a woman every day for the rest of my life- I can't do it. I can't. I spent years pretending. I realized I was trans when I was 11 and finally really really realized when I was 13 and got mistaken as a boy in public for the first time-

But Mr dennis noticed how I looked when he called me ma'am. And I've already been struggling so much-

I wanna be a boy to the people around me. I don't want to have to ask for it. I'm a boy. I'm a boy my name is Vyan.

I wanna come out to my mom I just don't know how. I worry because we're so close- I don't wanna mess up our closeness-

But I wanna live. And for some reason as terrifying as it is, I just wanna feel alive. Being seen as a boy makes me wanna live, it makes me feel like I'm an actual freaking person.

I just need to find my voice enough to say it. And Mr dennis probably gave me that Little push I needed. I cut my hair that night. I think I wanna change my profile picture.