Idk if I should come out ace to my parents
Hi :) ty for reading this
So I recently figured out that I’m akoisexual. I typically don’t like keeping big relationship secrets from my family (I’m a teen), I told them the day after my bf asked me out.
The thing with this is, it will never apply to them, so do they need to know? It’s really only important to anyone I’m in a relationship with. Theoretically, they would never know if I didn’t tell them. I’m straight, so it’s not like giving a heads-up for who I’ll date, it’s just a how thing.
Thoughts? I’m not sure if I should say, or how.
Thank you again! Amanda, you can skip this post.
@politePlace5370
Hey! You are allowed to keep things to yourself. You don't have to tell your parents everything about yourself if you're either not ready or it won't really change anything but add confusion for them and upset for you if they don't understand the term. You're right, the only person you really need to express this is the individual you have a partnership with. I think whether you share it with your mom and dad, depends on how comfortable you are with them and if you believe that they will be accepting of it.
I’ve been thinking about it more. My dad’s stance is generally “it’s your own private relationship, just don’t make it a huge deal” and my mom is a bit harsher but generally a pushover and she’ll go with whatever he says.
The longer I sit here thinking about it, the worse I feel, so it might just be one of those things I need to set right to get it out of my head.
I was also thinking, it’s basically just a good thing? Like they wouldn’t ever really have to worry about me going to a party and having sex or anything, it just reduces the amount of dumb things I can do.
So I might tell them? We have some good talking time coming up, I might just let them know and explain how it works for me. Maybe?
@politePlace5370
Yeah, talking to them can be good, and you're right, parents love to know that their children are not out there becoming young parents. You could probably explain it in simple terms, while you like males, you do not experience sexual attraction and that the term is ace. Just be prepared for some pushback because I know in my experience, some older people might not understand why everything has to have a term and why the lack of something has a term. But it does sound like you have an open line of communication with your parents and you otherwise feel pretty safe with your mom and dad.
I definitely get the thing with the terms. I think they’ll be ok with it if I explain it as just a way to say it with one word definition instead of a whole conversation every time you want to say you’re ace.
I’ve kinda talked to them before about how I don’t really want to have my own kids and I want to adopt instead, I think that was the biggest thing they’d push back on, just because of the ideas they already have. I’m the second of two daughters, so they probably thought they’d be getting two sets of grandkids. The only things with that are that they still would be, my sister still wants to have kids, and it’s basically the equivalent of health problems getting in the way anyways, so I don’t see why it’s a big deal? But I know when I talked about the kids thing the last time my dad did react more.
I think that parents are always going to want grandkids tbh. My dad begs for them even though my other siblings fulfilled it. But parents also get over it the older you get.
I did it
Idk if I should’ve
It was a bit rough
@politePlace5370
I am sorry to hear that it went a bit rough. Want to tell me what happened and how you're feeling now?
@politePlace5370, Carlos Castaneda wrote an interesting passage in his book "Journey to Ixtlan" about "erasing personal history" in order to gain genuine freedom.
Most persons in relationships carry around unspoken assumptions. Friendships, marriages, work, family....almost all of these have people in them running around with a set of expectations in their heads. That can lead to a lot of trouble when those assumptions don't match up.
Does he expect your relationship to have a sexual aspect? Do you?
My dad or my bf?