I may be agender?
Hey, I hope you’re all doing well :) I was hoping to get some insight and advice on this subject. So, I am AFAB, and currently identify as a cisgender woman. Always have since I was young, never really put too much thought into my gender. Was always like “well everyone says I’m a girl and I present as a girl so I must be a girl”. Recently, since the beginning of this year, I’ve been thinking more about my gender and stuff. I’ve been thinking and like. I wouldn’t say I “feel like a woman” or anything. I definitely do not feel masculine, and it makes me super uncomfortable to think about being perceived in a masculine sense. I’ve been thinking like. Being called a girl or woman doesn’t quite sound right? I’ve been thinking about trying she/they pronouns bc those sound kinda nice. But idk like I don’t really care if I get called a woman like sure I don’t care lol whatever. It’s super confusing and I like have this massive fear of being wrong. I don’t know man. And like, when I think about myself, I don’t think “yeah, I am a woman/girl” it’s more like. I’m just a person? I’m just me? It’s not really gendered in my head, like I’m just me. I’m just a silly lil guy lol. I don’t know. If anyone has any advice or anything that would be wonderful, I would really appreciate it :)
@spaceyghoul You are you! Pick a side or don’t, doesn’t mean you have to stay there. We don’t get to choose our biology and we were not invited to the personality committee meeting where our attributes were decided. Lol I’m being silly, but not making light of what you have expressed. I just have a sense that there is a lot of positive and negative societal pressure to come up with labels and justification for the labels. I like broccoli and I’m sure there are those who cheer my preference and those who say I’m an evil broccolite. I don’t think I was born liking broccoli and maybe my parents or teachers shouldn’t have influenced me so much to eat my vegetables. Preferences change and I like things I couldn’t stand before and vice versa. Political and media sources and groups of pro or anti vegetable or color or brand of toothpaste groups will argue this to death. Don’t be worried about any of that, because you are human and you’ll be human and nothing more or less. As humans do, we often find the tiniest blade of grass to worry about instead of enjoying the lawn.
@spaceyghoul This is the way I feel as a loosely femme nonbinary person! I’ve also talked to a lot of other people in the same boat and it seems like this is the norm for us rather than an exception. I feel like there’s a lot more fluidity with women’s gender expression in our culture, and as such it’s more frowned upon (and seen as trivial) to draw the line between “am I just kinda butch?” and “uhhhhhh I don’t like…feel like a woman. or a man.” I think when I started reasoning on the same lines as you was when I realized that I wasn’t a lady. (or am only partially? not sure, but questioning is a process as I’m sure you know.) I would have faith in yourself and trust yourself to know what’s the best for you. INCLUDING not putting a label on yet if you’re not ready for that. I still sometimes only go by she/her in front of folks. Baby steps!
Sometimes I feel like it’s harder as a nb (in particular on the femme side as AFAB or masc side as AMAB) because there are no predefined rules or guidelines. We’re not smack dab in the middle either, so it’s not like we can pick that visible choice. But other times, maybe it’s a good thing. A chance to invent ourselves and really figure out who we are at the core instead of just going with what everyone has assigned us. I can camouflage. I don’t have to out myself if I don’t want to, especially to my family who can understand “tomboy” and bisexual, but not the “they” side of things. I can keep most of my clothes and old ways of expressing myself without getting picked on.
