Married and Transfem (amab)
Hi everyone, I’m Katie and starting this thread to hopefully talk with some friends about how you come out to your spouse. This is something I’m working up to I hope, I’ve had some helpful discussions with some listeners here and also reading other threads.
I’ve spend over 30 years denying who I am, believing I had a fetish or was going through a phase but lately my need to be me has been all consuming. My wife of almost 10 years is a wonderful woman and I have an amazing child who adores her daddy; I think there is a chance my wife would stay with me but there is a part of me that also is not really sure because she has been through a lot and still is going though her own physical and mental health struggles.
I truly think I would be content not going through a full transition and could be happy partially being me. I think I would be fine if I could wear female undergarments under my male clothes during the day if I could dress as me at home. I’ve also considered doing low dose hrt which will allow subtle changes over time and help with my mental wellbeing. I’ve considered doing the hrt but not telling her but was told that would be a serious betrayal, we have no intention of having any other children so becoming infertile isn’t a concern of mine and I’m slightly heavier (but really starting to lose weight) and my “man ***” could hide some of the growth there.
I would love to hear any and all advice that you could or would like to give me, please and thank you
@Katie4Life
I understand how difficult this must be for you and there are no easy answers.
It's sad that this part of you had to denied and it caused you pain.
It wouldn't ever be an easy conversation to have and it's clear how much you love your wife and your child.
No matter what, they are still your number one priority and I wouldn't consider doing anything life changing without talking to your wife.
If you cannot continue on as you are, you have to have the hard conversations, and no matter the reaction, work through it together.
I genuinely wish you the best, but whatever decision you make, needs to come solely from you 💜💕
Amanda84 thank you for your kind words, you are correct, there is nothing more important to me than them. What I do not understand why this overwhelming and constant urge suddenly came upon me to need to make this change, where before I was able to subdue the thoughts now it’s literally always on my mind all day every day.
I’m just leaving work right now sitting in my car and all I can think about is going home changing into some of my wife’s undergarments that I stole so I can feel more feminine to ease the thoughts in my head and both hope I don’t and almost hope I do get caught. I know, I’m a mess and have a lot going on. Sorry for my tangent and I really appreciate you reaching out to me. I am going to do what you suggest and avoid doing anything life changing (hrt) without being honest with her first.
Amanda thank you so much for your words and allowing me to get my thoughts out.
💖💞