Mtf, what should/can I do?

I'm in the closet but I'm realizing more and more just how bad my gender dysphoria is. It's always been there but now it's so suffocating and I feel like I'm legitimately losing it. I'm really depressed and self harm and my family knows and are really scared and I don't feel comfortable telling them that I'm depressed because I feel like I was born in the wrong body. I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty but they are also really homophobic and I don't know how they'd react. I've thought about going to a psychologist and talking to a professional and when I'm more comfortable in my identity and have a better support system I'll talk to my family about it, but I'm scared to death. I seriously don't know... My extended family would definitely disown me and I'm afraid that they'd make up stories about me or accuse me of things because they are extremely closed minded and conservative. I think my mom might accept me but she's honestly the only person I can see being that way. My dad is extremely transphobic and has told me to my face "Thank God you're not trans... I couldn't imagine how disappointing that would be". I just want to be loved and accepted. Why does this hurt so much? Why couldn't I have been born the way I want? My sister said "It must suck to be a guy" and it does it really does. She thinks that I'm just comfortable with femininity and not I legitimately want to be a girl and she legit won't even be friends with people who have trans friends... Like not even being trans themselves but she won't even have a friend who is accepting of trans people.

Fellow trans people... Did anyone you think was homophobic surprise you or are they a lost cause. I want to have a relationship with them so bad and I know that I'm distancing myself from my family and it hurts that I can't talk to my family anymore even though I live with them. I legit just spend my whole day in my room when they're home because they're making me really uncomfortable and when my dad is around I get panic attacks and feel like if he knew my whole life would be over.