Random rant

Posting on here doesn't change anything but here I am again. I'm trying to do things to get me out of my comfort zone but it's so hard. My anxiety is so unbearable and I feel so overwhelmed. I'm so confused and I really don't like who I was born as. I hate being a guy. I hate having no friends and needing to rely on others for everything. I wish I wasn't poor. I wish my family was more accepting. I wish I was happier or at least that the fleeting moments where I forget that I exist last. I had another dream about my crush yesterday and I hate it. I hate feeling. I've liked them for two years and I know that nothing will happen. I don't know why I even feel like this. I've never felt so confused and overwhelmed and things keep getting worse. I feel like I'm the problem. My family does so much for me and I hide everything about my identity from them and resent them so much. I see other people my age getting married, going to college, hanging out with friends, partying, or even the most quiet shut in people have friends, I have nothing accept a family that only love's my shell. They say my therapy is making my mental health better but they don't know why. I just don't know what to do.