Trouble Navigating My Brother’s Homophobia

My brother has been very cruel to me starting in our tween/teen years. I asked him before why and he never gave me a clear answer. My family is on the more conservative side. My parents know that I am gay (pansexual/queer specifically), but I haven’t told my brother. He has told me in the past that he would disown me but he probably knows and refuses to acknowledge it. Regardless, I don’t care if he disowns me.

I’ve had this resentment for him for his cruelty and homophobic beliefs but he does have a reason for it. He was molested by our cousin when we were in middle school and assaulted by men interested in him in the past.

Now for today: I was confronting my brother for making faces at my gay friend at my grad party (like smirking as if he was making fun of him with my homophobic uncle). My mom told him to stop and commented on how easy it was to communicate like adults about inappropriate behavior because I didn’t want to talk about it with him. I got very angry saying that he’ll be *** about it and then he commented on how resentful I am. I told them both I had a reason for that because my dad and him made fun of another gay friend of mine from high school. My brother told me it was because of him continuously flirting with him despite making it clear that he wasn’t interested.

I didn’t know that that happened. I said that wasn’t okay and changes things for me. He than told me that he was gonna “drop the ego” for a bit that than told me that my beliefs are why he can’t be close to me. I told him that’s exactly how I feel about him.

My mom told me that he was opening up to me. That my fear of being involved with men (I am a cis gendered woman) is no different than his homophobia due to his trauma. I’ve only ever heard about being r*ped and am scared of men while my homophobic uncle and my brother have experienced being assaulted. That just how I feel offended for him making offensive comments towards gay people as a gay woman, my brother likely feels offended about me voicing my fear towards straight men. That we have the same but different biases.

I don’t think it is the same. I understand the origin of the homophobia but that does not give my brother an excuse to talk down about gay people. I talk about and avoid them out of fear. But my mom said that she was discussed by straight men too when she was assaulted. I don’t know what to think and am hurt. Any thoughts and advice?