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Venting recent thoughts

User Profile: ivoryIdea353
ivoryIdea353 May 19th, 2025

Hello all, I have had some thoughts recently that I was hoping I could get help with. I’ve virtually always identified as bisexual, but over the past 4-5 years I have began to struggle with my gender identity. First it began with simple thoughts of what it may be like to be the opposite gender, then it led to trying on dresses and doing makeup/wearing wigs, and all of it was extremely enjoyable and comfortable. Now, I am having increasingly frequent thoughts that my assigned gender at birth does not match the image I hold of myself in my mind, and I am unsure what this means for me or how I should proceed. It’s an every day thing now with these thoughts, and I’m not opposed at all to being trans, but does this actually mean that I am? Or is my mind just curious? Any advice or help is greatly appreciated because I’m unsure which direction I should go

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla May 19th, 2025
@ivoryIdea353 something I discovered when exploring queerness is that gender can mean different things to different people. Enjoying a certain type of presentation (like clothes or makeup usually associated with women or men) doesn't necessarily have to mean you lean towards that gender. Gender is a social construct, and all the norms and attributes we associate with it are purely arbitrary and can vary a lot throughout history and cultures.

So it all comes down to what you feel you are. Do you feel like the gender you were assigned at birth represents you, even though you don't necessarily fit the stereotypes associated to it? Then you're a cis person with an unconventional gender presentation. Do you feel like all these associations of attributes are not just about playing with your style, but also mean something deeper about your identity? Then you can identify as a trans person, non-binary or genderfluid or whatever suits you best! There's no right or wrong answer, it's not the same as the color of your eyes, which is an objective and immutable part of you. Gender is something linked to social norms and what they mean to you psychologically. So the answer is, that's up to you to determine! One person in a situation similar to your might identify as cis, another person in a similar situation might identify as trans, it doesn't mean that one of them is wrong. Same goes for you: the answer is yours to determine.

As for how to deal with it, simply do what makes you feel good! Style yourself however you like, choose any clothes you like, use whatever pronouns or names feel right to you. Yes, some people might find it confusing and difficult to understand, but why should you tone down your own identity for their comfort?
2 replies
User Profile: ivoryIdea353
ivoryIdea353 OP May 19th, 2025

I appreciate the feedback and insight on this. I definitely have days where, the best way I can describe it, I don’t feel like I’m in the right body for my mind. I admittedly am not well versed in gender identity myself and while always having my mind open to those who explore it, I’ve never explored it myself. But lately I have tried presenting feminine and it has felt very fulfilling and comfortable. Which led me to exploring the possibility of gender identity coming into question. I know some cisgender people will cross dress or dress outside gender norms, but to me it feels almost like I’m longer for more identity than cross dressing would give me. And I’m in a not particularly accepting area of the world for this type of a lifestyle change which complicates it, but doesn’t sway me away from wanting to explore it. I am working on building up my confidence with trying the new looks out and it may very well become my new identity, but I thank you for your support in your answer and helping me think on this a little clearer!

1 reply
User Profile: Aayla
Aayla May 19th, 2025
@ivoryIdea353 it sounds like you're at that stage where you kinda have the answer already but you're still processing it and coming to terms with it.
If that's the case, good for you! Stay safe, but allow yourself to explore as much as possible, it would be sad to go on your whole life without diving deep into who you truly are and embracing it. 
Give yourself a chance to simply be, and don't worry if that's confusing at first, it's all part of the journey. Wish you the best!
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