Wishing to not being judged for existing as a "femboy"
In my entire life I have always been terrified and afraid of showing my "true self" to anyone. Other than the close friends that I have today where I felt I could act and be myself without being judged and I feel safe, I never show anyone who I truly am.
The main reason is because I have gut feeling I'm probably going to either get shamed or judged for it for not fitting in the societal norm.
I always liked cute stuff ever since high school, wear cute clothes, act cute, buying cute plushies, acting like the little one, and being a femboy. But I know in our current society a lot of people are probably gonna think I'm crazy and not normal and not being "manly" or "masculine." I never felt masculine as much as I can remember, and I am more in touch with my emotions and femininity. I tried faking being masculine to fit it, but it feels like I'm being someone else I'm completely not and it felt extremely uncomfortable that I couldn't act naturally of who I am.
So recently I got a therapist, worked with her for five months, her bio said she works with individuals that are gen Z, hypersensitive, and neurodivergent, and I thought oh that's me. Maybe with this therapist they'll understand where I'm coming from and I can open up. And so I did, but there are times where I felt I couldn't open up cause I felt I was possibly being judged but I just thought maybe I was going crazy and overthinking it until my last therapy session happened, I'm starting to think my gut feeling back then and more even now isn't that crazy.
So I was on the topic of talking about romantic relationship and preferences. So I mentioned how I liked an older sister kinda romantic partner, not literally like bro con or anything, I couldn't find the right word to explain it, because my therapist doesn't watch anime so I don't think they would understand the term I wanted to use to explain it. If I could explain it, it's basically the dynamic of an very gentle, nurturing onee-chan and me basically. I'm naturally a very soft person, and I like girls who are more confident, who take the lead like the onee-chan characters you see in anime. Idk if I'm making sense, but smt like that.
and so my therapist said "most women would find that unappealing in their romantic partners." followed by saying "You're an adult and you need to grow up and face reality." I was just shook those words came out of therapist mouth. I was like what in the literal *** just happened--- Like why can't I like girls who give off one chan energy?? and she also gave me a awkward face at me and I just felt she was judging me and told me "think about it before our next session." and before she said all these comments I explained role reversal relationships is still possible. My friends have been in one and I myself have been in multiple relationships like that in the past. It's rare, but it's still possible.
and as a femboy I feel in the eyes of the normal society, most people would not think of femboys in good light. but hearing that from my therapist despite explaining this I was like ??? I thought at the very least even if she had different values than me she would at least support me, not project her values onto me this strongly. After this happened I just discontinued my therapy session with her cause I just felt invalidated and hurt and it was no longer a safe space anymore for me.
but because I was doubting myself, I posted this whole situation on reddit for fellow therapist if I'm the that's crazy or if my therapist actually went too far. Most comments were very supportive and kind, until I found a interesting comment. I had a feeling this person was gonna judge me, but I just gave the benefit of the doubt of expressing myself and explaining how I feel more like myself as a feminine person, liking cute stuff and etc. and that I don't want to change that because that's where I feel safe and like myself.
and in their most recent reply they said "So I suppose, I am also now wondering, if you are very happy in your current state, why do you feel you need therapy? If you have no desire to change or grow or develop towards a more societal-accepted way of acting or feeling more normal in your masculine body, what do you hope to get out of therapy?"
Like I expressed how I felt more in my feminine energy and that's who I am naturally, am I actually getting judged for the 2nd time again by another therapist that replied to my post on reddit saying I have to fit the societal accepted way...? legit like wtf--- Like I even mentioned multiple times I don't like acting masculine and I even have body dysphoria from time to time and I would consider myself genderfluid or still finding out my identity.
Like is it that wrong to be accepted for people who don't want to fit the social norm? Everyone is different based on their personality, hobby, and their experiences. Like why do I have to force myself to be masculine to fit the gender norm? More specifically why do I need to become more masculine towards this therapist so it fits their values of their "societal accepted way." Legit like wtf. Let me just love cute stuff, let me live in peace of acting cute and in my feminine energy. There's nothing wrong with me just wanting to be me. Why do I need to change that just because it doesn't fit the gender norm.
No way in *** I'm going to change my personality, how I act, my hobbies just to fit someone else's ideal social norm. Like what's wrong with femboys wanting a relationship where they feel protected and cared for gently. What's wrong with wanting to feel safe by a onee-chan type energy next to you. What's wrong for being a femboy? Why do I have to act masculine just cause I was born biologically as a male? Why can't I choose how I identify myself as and how I act without being judged for showing deep down of my true self to the world.
Let me just exist for being me. Let me live in peace for feeling safe in my feminine energy. Let me live in peace without being judged for who I am and expected to change because it's a nonconforming social norm. Let me just live.
I can't believe I not only got judged by my own therapist, but also another therapist on the internet for just being me and having them say those comments almost feels like they're trying to ungender me in a sense.
Let me just live in peace as a cute femboy.
@rinniechan Hi. Your story resonates with me as my young nephew is on the a similar path, I suspect. He's young but at an age where he understands that sometimes he has to conform as it may be rules, law etc.
So, what I tell him is,
1. There is no such thing as normal. People are trained and pushed to fit into a mold of what they are taught society accepts. These "normal" people are generally not happy, will never be fully fulfilled in life and grow old and bitter
2. You can be fully you, you just need to find your people, and as you go through life, you will find more and more of the people who compliment your life and bring you happiness
3. "Normal" people judge everyone, because it distracts them from judging their own sadness and lack in their lives... So, they will judge you if you are manly or female, you may be too tall, short, fat, thin, quiet or loud... they will judge, so you just have to learn to ignore them. They are more to be pitied than feared. And when you find your people in life and your comfort zone, you will be too busy being happy that you won't notice them judging you :)
Unfortunately, there are good professionals and bad professionals. However, you had one person in real life and one person online judge you. You did say that you had a lot of support on reddit, so the majority were on your side or at least, tried to understand.
So the minority is causing you upset. Could you reread and focus on the supportive responses? Both therapists who judged you are narrow minded and in the wrong job, they shouldn't get to dictate your feelings on this. You showed your ability in walking away from your therapist/not going back, and you said in your post that you will not change for people, so the core you have is very strong. Your mind seems to be what is fearful.
Don't look to strangers or people you don't respect/know for acceptance. If you feel you need acceptance, look for it from those you admire, like, enjoy being around, those who emulate your beliefs and kindness. Those who don't matter to you, their opinions shouldn't matter to you either.
There is bad everywhere in this world, try not to let it affect how you feel in your own skin.
I wish you well, I wish you happiness and I hope that your confidence in who you are grows to where it should be.
@Cathylistens
You're right and thank you so much for the kind response!! it means a lot hearing this and I feel heard and accepted for being just me ;w;
And you're right, I should focus on the support from my friends that support who I am. I did originally tell my friends about this and they understand where I'm coming from and agree with how I shouldn't care about the therapist and how they projected their values was disrespectful and I should continue being me of who I am comfortable and feel safe as. I think it was cause I got a email update on reddit of that reply, I immediately got triggered and offended someone dictating why I can't be like this and this.
But now I just reported updates from reddit as spam on my ***, so theoretically shouldn't get any more updates if there any.
I will continue to being myself around those being around, those I feel safe for showing my true self to.
I want to thank you and how I much I appreciate you writing out this response to my post. It means a lot to me, felt like a very gentle check up on you kinda thing, and I felt extremely heard and understood of my situation and my feelings. It really means a lot being supported and heard for just being me.
Will continue being me and continue being the cute femboy where I feel like me and continue to slowly show more of feminine side to those I trust around me. rawrrrr OwO
@rinniechan
Hi rinnie it's nice to hear that your happy about it,as a non-binary person it's hard I'm biologically a girl but I was lenient to a boy and my hair was kinda short so I often got misgendered with he/him I didn't really mind it was better than she/her but someone accidentally said they are their own person and it just felt right but if your still not sure after that quiz you could try to ask someone to call you different pronouns to see how you feel
Hope your doing well
Do what you feel is right(unless it's illegal) X ranpo
@Ranpoedagawa13
Harro!~ owo I did try it in the past now I think about it actually xD When people call me by they/them I feel more comfy about it, tho being called he/him for me just feel it doesn't feel right, like I don't fit those pronouns despite being biologically male
also yeshhhh recently confirmed I'm non-binary too xD Also I'm wondering just in case, is there any other way, like quizes or like signs/methods to identify what you identify as? I know the quiz I took was pretty spot on, but just in case xD
@rinniechan
Hey, I can feel the rawness and vulnerability in your words, and I want to take a moment to validate what you’re expressing: you deserve to exist as your authentic self, without being judged, invalidated, or made to feel "wrong" for who you are. Your feelings, identity, and preferences are valid—period.
It’s deeply disheartening that not only did your therapist fail to provide the safe, affirming space you needed, but they also made comments that were dismissive and invalidating. Therapists are meant to be compassionate and supportive, especially when working with individuals exploring their gender identity or non-conforming expressions. What you described—being told to "grow up" and face "reality"—is unprofessional and harmful. You sought support to embrace your true self, not to be molded into someone else's ideal of conformity.
Your experience with the Reddit comment also reflects a disappointing lack of empathy. Therapy is not about fixing people to fit societal norms. It’s about guiding individuals toward self-acceptance, healing, and growth—on their own terms. The notion that you should change simply because your identity challenges conventional gender roles is regressive and unfair.
You have every right to express your femininity, love cute things, and seek a partner dynamic that makes you feel safe and loved. The beauty of human connection lies in its diversity—there are people who will embrace and adore you for exactly who you are. Your softness, your warmth, —it’s beautiful, not something to be shamed.
I hope you can find a therapist who truly understands and affirms gender diversity—someone who helps you embrace your identity without trying to reshape it. You deserve that. And beyond therapy, you deserve to be surrounded by people who celebrate your authenticity rather than make you question it.
You’re not crazy or wrong—you’re just you, and that is more than enough. Keep holding onto your truth. Let yourself live in peace, as you deserve. 💙
Gender norms in this world suck. People just think you were born this way, so you have to act this way, which isn’t freaking true. Honestly this world in general sucks. We’ve got “therapists” to help us, but do they really? From what you’re saying it seems like they just judge. And maybe that’s not all therapists, but idk. Anyway, I’m here for you if you need me ❤️
Hi👋
Hi👋
@rinniechan
Hey, I obviously don't know the full context or anything, but I don't think the reddit poster you quoted was trying to be rude. From reading the quote, they seem (to me) like they are genuinely curious about why you feel the need to go to therapy. I think when they were talking about societal norms they weren't saying to go that direction, or even that one direction or another is more correct. I honestly think that they were just curious about why you wanted to go to therapy when you are happy in yourself and your identity.
P.S. I find femboys adorable! >.<
@rinniechan I see you and feel this
@rinniechan
HI, I hope the comments here and on reddit have made you feel seen & heard. You are perfect as you are!
Gender is a social construct. Most people are unable to accept that a lot of what we feel/think about gender is socal programming. It sounds like your therapist (most therapist) has a deep wound regarding thier own gender identity, and lack of ability to express themselves as they would like. Because of this unhealing in themselves they are projecting social conformity onto you, in order to regulate themselves.
It sounds like you've outgrown this therapist. There is no need to confront them, and try to get them to come around to your point of view. It's not your job as the client to expand the worldview of your therapist and educate them. Move on!! Find supportive voices, systems, and most importantly a new therapist. I know its hard to rebuild trust & rapport, but ultimately the best thing for you.
