libido issues
I know it's common that partners might not have the exact same libido. That said, my husband and I are becomingvery mismatched. We haven't been arguing too much, as to cause a disconnection. We still flirt a lot, and he assures me that there's nothing wrong when we would have sex and that he is still attracted to me. But it still hurts each time that I am in the mood and he isn't. I am trying so hard to be patient, and I don't pressure him, or try to make him feel bad about it. I know that sex isn't everything, but it is unfortunatelya very important part of intimacy for me. He says he just doesn't feel in like it very often. It's been over a month now since we have had intercourse, and we have only been married for about 6 months. Has anyone dealt with this successfully on either end? He mentioned bringing it up to his doctor. Has anyone taken medication that helped , like maybe testosterone or something else, but didn'thave too many undesirable side effects?
@TurtleGirl96
I'm really sorry you are struggling.
And I can see how important connection and closeness is to you.
It might help to organise a date night, with no pressure or expectations, where your husband feels assured.
And have dinner.
Massages.
Build up the tension.
And allow yourselves to reconnect again.
💚😊
Maybe that would help. Thank you! Part of it too is that it can be hard to spend significant amounts of time together, even just cuddling and watching TV. He prefers to play video games for most of his free time.
@TurtleGirl96
Well he needs to put the video games down and give you a couple of hours of his undivided attention, it's not too much to ask for 🥰
I know. And he does sometimes, but it just gets hard when it's been awhile. Thanks for the support! I think he is going to talk to his doctor at his upcoming appointment, so I think that will help.🤞
@TurtleGirl96
I hope so 💚🥰
Maybe you can make something fun out of the video games. If y’all want to do that. Or play some type of games offline like some type of queer couples games like the card games for intimacy. Something fun
I’m a lesbian. I remember 2 experiences where my libido was super low and I can see there was a common thread. I know everyone’s situation is different.
But basically I realized the first time:
I had some second hand negative experience I witnessed that was in my head and that affected having any desire for over 30 days. (Which for me is long. Even 1 week is long for me). Also I didn’t have support for that situation.
The second time: I lived in a place where the people impacted my sleep (shared a house, the housemates were bad). My sleep was bad, I wasn’t exercising hardly at all. And I was working from home and way more sedentary than ever before. I feel like maybe there were 3 months I had no libido.
Everything improved once I moved and was more rested and had better work.
Other things that I realize impact me: intense deadlines, financial stressors, losing sleep, low mood, winter weather.
Thank you for sharing! It could be that depression and stress are affecting the situation. We live with his parents and he's not in a great financial situation right now, but at least there's not a lot of tension in the house. And neither his parents nor I make him feel bad about not moving out yet.
@TurtleGirl96
remind him sex is more tha just this or that
and try to make it more comfortable
a hug here a touch thee ,maybe he is too stressed or overworked and lost touch with that
in which case reminders like a gentle hug every time you talk some extra kissing time and things like that can slowly bring the engine back to life
@TurtleGirl96
Hi TurtleGirl, I suggest looking up asexuality cuz it sounds like your husband might be part of the spectrum.
I identify as demisexual. And for me sex comes in season. Sometimes I like sex a lot. And sometimes I can go 6months to a year, never have sex and be perfectly content in my life.
Libido doesn't have to make perfect logical sense. Think of it kind of like food cravings. Sometimes you want Mexican food every night, or Chinese or whatever, or sometimes those foods fall of the radar for a long time before desire returns. None of these is wrong. Just a normal fluctuations in human desire.
I considered that possibility It could still be true. However, he did now recently talk to his doctor and switched his depression medication because the one he was on is more known for lowering sexual libido and affecting ejaculation/***, which was an issue sometimes. We are hoping we will see a difference. Thank you for your perspective. 💜🤍🩶🖤