need to vent about shame around my boyfriend

i’ve been a lesbian all my life (i’m 22). have never explored other sexuality labels, never felt sexual attraction to men..until now. i have my first boyfriend. we’ve been together for 4 months. we’re happy. he treats me well. what started as a consensual experiment has turned into a happy and healthy relationship that’s healing for both of us. we’re moving in together in december along with my current roommate.

my parents have been weird about it. i feel almost as if they’re less accepting of me dating a man than they were when i was dating an afab person. and it sucks. a lot.

for context, the only partner they’ve ever been introduced to was my first serious relationship with an afab person, and that relationship turned about abusive. so in a way it makes sense that they’re dodgy.

when i first mentioned this guy as my friend and how excited i was, my dad went off on how “men and women can’t be friends” and how me remaining friends with him without intention to date is “the cruelest thing you could do.” when i later told them we were dating, i got a whole talk about “ “we want to make sure you actually want this and don’t just have some trauma you’re going through” which is sweet but it also hurts how little trust they have for me. when i talked to my dad’s gf about the friend group i had met my bf from, she immediately judged it because it was a mix of people of different ages (like 21-late 30s), genders, sexualities and said that was weird, and then when proceeded to say i was having an attitude and get mad at me when i tried to defend my friend group. that day i had also forgotten to cover a small hickey on my neck, and she made a huge deal out of it which i guess i understand bc family doesn’t want to see that, but the way she went about it and her repeatedly going “i would never” and “that’s really *** disrespectful” over an honest mistake made me feel like some *** or something idk. when i got sick she called me and asked if i’m actually sick or if my boyfriend is abusing me and after i reassured her that wasn’t the case she still proceeded to try to find as many red flags with my boyfriend as possible. and then today she found out we are moving in together and again tried to talk me out of it, proceeded to say that me doing that before they got to meet him (bc ya it’s been intimidating to bring him over to their house given their general attitude towards him) is really *** *** and disrespectful.

i understand that a lot of this is my doing and that they care but i also just needed to get it off my chest somewhere it won’t come back to bite me because i feel like a terrible partner for feeling shame around my boyfriend. i want to be proud of him. i want to show him off to my parents. but the level of discomfort they show around the topic of him almost makes it feel like i’m talking about some weird tmi sexual experiment to them and now my wholeass partner.