update? dissociation and ghosty time?

i'm coming up for air since my last post. i realize that i am so numb and disconnected from what is happening in the world. my safety continues to be in question but i dont even care anymore? does it even matter if i exist anymore? i dont even know. 

sometimes i feel those old emotions of wanting to dream again. to feel safe and to make sure my fellow queer folks do too. but it gets covered in sadness, grief, and overwhelm. a really suffocating sweaty fur jacket.