I need advice on how to explore my sexuality. I’m very confused
I’ve just recently started questioning my sexuality about a month ago. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and at this point in time I’m bi-curious. The term “bi” makes me feel really validated but I feel like I’m lying to myself which is something I constantly do and I can’t trust myself anymore.
By the way I am 14 years old and my pronouns are she/her.
As some context I’ve been in the theater community my whole life so I would hang out with a lot of people in the LGBTQIA+ community and lots of people would joke about how “fruity” they were during rehearsals. I’m very awkward so normally I would just listen to the conversations but one day I joined in and everyone just laughed at the idea of me being fruity. And my sister had told me that I was “painfully straight.” And honestly that felt horrible but I never knew why.
About a month ago, I don’t remember how but the idea of kissing a girl popped into my head and it didn’t really feel weird to me. Honestly it made me smile a little bit. And the idea of dating or even marrying a woman in the future was something that made me excited in the ways I’ve felt excited about dating or possibly marrying a man.
But the thing is I’ve never “had a crush” on a girl before and lately I can’t stop thinking that I might be bi. Before I thought I was ace because I don’t have any sexual attraction to men but I did want to date them. But then I realized that I never considered women. And now I feel like I don’t know anything about myself.
Does anyone have any advice on things I can do to help me get some more clarity?
@Hart22
It does indeed sound like you are going through a very confusing time. And unfortunately our teenage years can be fraught with questions and challenges. You are still discovering who you are as a person, let alone in relation to others. Work on your own confidence first and feel strong within yourself.
Maybe because i am from a different generation, but do all these labels really matter? Why can you simply not be you and explore your feelings for the people around you. It doesn't need a label or definition. As long as two people care and treat each other with respect, then go for it. Love is the ultimate and the details don't need qualifying. Love who you are drawn to, care for those who lift your spirits, explore. BUT...and this is me sounding old now ! haha Go at your own pace, trust your instinct and never ever be forced into something you do not want to do or with someone you do not want.
Enjoy and explore all parts of yourself BUT always hold safety as your priority. Say No when you need to, walk away, if you have to and i'll call you when i can. You are in charge and keep it safe. Just take it ever so easy....after all learning can take a lifetime xxx
@Hart22
We know what we know.
You are still young, frontal cortex has years to go (the part that is for
making good decisions).
That is not said to be a deterrent or cast off. More of don't worry so much and
don’t put to much into labels and identity at this moment. There will be many other changes that will
make this confusing LOL.
It seems that today people need to be so random and flashy and putting labels on things for validation. There is zero harm in being “Painfully Straight”. And at the same token, known of people who are flashy flamboyant while still being ‘Straight’. As a person who is well old enough to be your parent and maybe even as far as Grandparent, I am a part of the LGBTQ community. I am also questioned “Are you sure you are …” for my interests are ‘not’ of the ‘stereo typical’. There is nothing stereo typical about me. Demeanor, dress, walk, vocal, etc. But yet I am who I am.
If you were my child, first I would remind you that you are who you are. It is perfect. Next I would urge you not to make decisions (be open, not closed) but to focus on scholastics and enjoy being teenager. It is far more important to learn life skills. The rest will fall in its place when it should. There are decades and decades ahead to be troubled by things. Things that today are not being needed answered.
I am not a fan of labels. Labels such as tall or short, are ok for descriptive. But because I am short, doesn’t mean I can’t slam a basketball (google Anthony Jerome “Spud” Webb). So labels as a whole as such are horrible. At your age, children making comments are truly grasp straws for attention and lack of understanding.
We believe in you :)