Label Dilemma
Having a difficult time figuring things out with appropriate label to share with people. I have a great deal of clarity about what i feel and what i want, but i am feeling like i have to choose between communicating clearly my intended outcome for my life vs. my experience of my sexual identity.
I started out believing myself to be Bisexual as a cis man who sees the attractiveness of both men and women.. However when i started the process towards self acceptance i got scared and retreated from identifying as LGBT because of my conservative upbringing and internalized homophobia.
Now for the last several weeks I've made the decision to not reject myself anymore and started identifying as Gay because i have no interest in a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman , but rather wish to end up married to a man. The internalized homophobia is still playing havoc with my emotions and i haven't really began living as openly LGBT except for going to an affirming church and telling 3 close friends.
My concerns in labeling my self are twofold:
1. I wish to be honest about my experience as an LGBT man.
2. I wish to clearly communicate my desire to be married with a man.
If I say i am Bisexual, concern 2 isn't met. But if I say i am Gay concern 1 isn't met.
I do not want my coming out to be anymore difficult than it already is for me. if there was some way to self identify with a single label that meets both needs/concerns described above I would appreciate knowing this.
@AmicablePerson I can relate to your experience of your upbringing delaying you from being honest with yourself and open with others about who you are and what you feel. The label dilemma is real, but it is not your issue to solve. So many LGBTQ+ issues revolve around other people needing to 'understand' or feel comfortable with who we are. But we are all individuals with our own unique experiences and WE ARE NOT OBLIGATED to explain or justify those to anyone. I get that it is hard and you want to be able to talk about yourself or 'come out', but straight, cis people don't have to come out so why should anyone else?? I struggled with this in both directions - not wanting to tell my conservative family that I was dating a woman and also getting grief from lesbian friends if I sometimes dated men. My approach now is to tell people (who ask) that I am a human and I date humans. I hope something in their is helpful or at least reminds you that you are not alone in this at all. You are who you are and you like who you like... and that may continue to morph throughout your life... and that's OK.
@anonuser2023
Thank you very kindly for your reply. To update you I have recently decided to express my orientation as by while exploring the non binary and gender fluid experiences f other LGBT forlks to see whether some of my feelings match with those experiences , meanwhile I am comfortable letting others with a sincere interest in my well being know me as a gay man. I don't feel like this is dishonest but rather it's the label that comes closest to how I experience myself, at least until I explore the nonbany and gender fluid area of LGBT experience. When I've completed that research I think i'll be a lot more certain about my labels.
correction : identifying as Gay. I mistyped Gay as "by" for some weird reason, sorry for any confusion i'm a bit over tired so my typing isnt all that good just now
I too am struggling with the label game in my sexuality this post really helped me , you don’t have to tell those that won’t support your choices etc and those that are close to you that will support and love you can be told what your feeling much love ❤️