Need some help from the trans community

Heya! This isn’t about me really it’s about my friend who I recently found out is trans. I surely need some help

TW: transphobia, mention of abuse and trauma

i met this boy 3 years ago and I absolutely fell in love with him. Rough patches came on the way and we’re still not together we became really close friends but never took the next step. I recently found out that he’s actually a trans male (Female to Male) and has already transitioned and done surgery. He’s only a little older than me and comes from a different culture so he’s much more educated on the lgbtq+ community than I am. I personally am unlabeled and I put myself aside from the queer spectrum but I’m no where near straight either. So as you can tell I do support this wonderful community.

The catch is. This same boy abused me, yeah he abused me for two years emotionally and caused me unexplainable amounts of trauma. I had to get to therapy and stay at a mental health facility this year because of his damage.

Unfortunately I was the victim who missed his company and built an unhealthy attachment towards him. So I used to go through his photo albums on *** to laugh at some good memories he told me about, just the simple looking at his photos from the years we talked in. What I didn’t expect was to find baby pictures. And well you could imagine what happened next when I found them

now to clarify I was not ashamed or mad I was only in deep shock and didn’t know how to swallow everything at first knowing fact that he didn’t choose to tell me yet I know and I feel so guilty. My friend who also followed him on *** found out to. My friend and him have met but they’ve never been close so you could see how much guilt that added. I feel like I’ve committed a crime. He chose not to tell and I accidentally found out without a bad intention behind it.

I cried and broke down a lot I drowned in guilt and I felt so bad. Not only was I guilty I was still shocked to find out in such a bad/indirect way. It’s not a good way to find out at all and can cause a lot of emotional damage especially if you’re completely clueless about everything around you. God at that moment I felt like reality had shifted and I became this monster. Till today I’ve been crying for a whole week unable to come up with any way to fix it.

he has no way of knowing I know since we’re not in contact anymore and that seems to make me feel worse.

Now I have to point out I’m only 14 and I live in a religious household. I chose to look above religious views and still support the lgbtq+ community a choice I made myself without any impact from my both homophobic and transphobic parents. My mom knew I had loved this boy and that he abused me she knew because I wrote him letters everyday at therapy as a way of coping with his loss and his treatment so she knows about him. She barley knows anything about him but she knows I’ve loved him, she doesn’t even know his name tho. My dad knows nothing and only put me in the mental health facility due to my self harm addiction.

So the only way I could get her to remove any facts she has on him or any information or thoughts about him that she definitely has was to fake his death. Before you say anything do know this was the only way I could’ve kept him safe in my situation not only him but me. They almost found out and I don’t wanna even begin to explain what would happen if they did happen it was a defense to save myself from physical violence and a chance of getting disowned completely.

i have no idea what to do should I reach out? He abused me and we haven’t talked in a year? Should I apologize please help I feel like I’m going insane