Questioning Identity
Hello everyone. I am completely new to this thread and I haven't done too much scrolling but I felt pretty safe here in this forum (plus it's much better than somewhere like Reddit lol). I am 20 years old, and I identify as genderfluid, pansexual, and I don't know about my romantic orientation. I have an accepting family, my older sibling is non binary and my sister in law is a queer woman. Essentially all of my friends are queer. I have a lot of queer support in my life. However, not only do I feel lonely but I have been questioning my identity for a while now. It's been very, very difficult.
I have been taking estrogen for two months now (not for gender reasons, I have pcos lol) and I have found myself being more attracted to men lately. I have been particularly bothered by this because I want to be more attracted to women. Don't get me wrong, I still am very attracted to women, but with men it's different and almost feels disingenuous sometimes. Sometimes my attraction to men feels more like I want male validation, which makes me feel really embarrassed and ashamed. I have never been with anybody, and I'm kind of introverted, which has led me to question my sexual/romantic orientation. I have never felt like I needed sexual intimacy or a relationship, but I'll admit, I really want these things, in theory at least. Anytime I have had someone show that they like me sexually or romantically, I have felt very uncomfortable. I am not really sure why this is. I also often find myself having "delusional crushes" where I take the idea of someone (that I know VERY little about) and imagine them in these romantic/sexual contexts. I feel very embarrassed and guilty about this, even though it's a perfectly normal thing everyone does. Lately, it has just felt like my identity has been really clouded in my own self-doubt and low self-esteem, and it's been manifesting a lot of negativity in me. It sucks because I just want someone to like me and be attracted to me but I'm shy and don't feel very attractive, so it's like, what's the point? Dealing with all of these problems collectively has been hard, and I'd like some advice on dealing with some of these feeling and exploring my identity. Thank you so much, sorry this is long and I hope I have posted it correctly/to the right topic channel. I appreciate all of you and I hope everyone has been having a good month!
@decisiveNest756
Hey, so nice to meet you 🤗🩵
I appreciate the effort and the strength it took in posting this and being so honest and vulnerable
Sometimes we think everyone around us has it all sorted and figured out.
They know what they are doing and we are just faltering.
But these are things we all navigate and learn and theres no right or wrong way of doing things.
Sex is a natural and healthy part of life, but equally, it's not the best all and end all for other people.
It's about discovering what feels best for you.
And theres no rush to do that.
It's about exploring, boundaries and you'll feel comfortable, when the time is right with the right person, you'll just know.
But don't let any of this define you.
You in itself are a kind, wonderful, deserving human being, you deserve happiness, acceptance and to live your life as you see fit and I wish you the best with whatever or wherever your journey through life takes you 🩵🤗
@Amanda84 Thank you so much for your kind words. They are so validating and remind me of my worth. It can be hard to take it slow, especially in this fast-paced, reward-based culture that constantly makes you feel like you're not doing enough, but I know patience is necessary to learn who I am and what I want. I have always given similar advice to all my friends, but it's a whole other ballgame applying it to your own life lmao. Thank you for your support in a sort of vulnerable moment for me. Sending much love and positivity back, so thankful to be part of such a wonderful group of people! :3
This place is much better than reddit lol...
So I'm bi and though I'm attracted to both genders when I like someone whose a guy my feelings are different from how I feel with girls. I also have gender dysphoria so liking a girl brings along feeling of envy and questioning that I don't feel with men like "am I really attracted to her or do I just see myself in her? Is it dysphoria that makes my heart feel like this or am I actually interested in them?" I'm actually am currently going through a delusional crush lol... It's totally fine to want male validation but just remember male validation doesn't usually involve kissing. It's totally fine to not know who you are yet. Take time finding out who you are. You're very lucky to have queer people in your life and you could always open up to them or ask them if they feel the same. You'd be surprised how many LGBT people have questions like this. And hey if you do some exploring and find out maybe"I do just want validation" there's nothing wrong with that either. Don't put labels on it. All these words we use to describe these feelings are just words at the end of the day and it's ok if you're feelings change. I'm 21 and have never dated because I'm not ready but I still have romantic feelings and there's nothing wrong with that. Believe me I feel really scared when someone shows romantic interest in me and it's ok to feel like you want to run away even if you like them. Hope you can learn to love yourself. You're not alone❤️❤️🩹❤️
@agreeableSkies9889 omg I could literally cry thank you so much for your input and advice!! It can't be overstated how much it helps to feel like you're not alone in your feelings and experiences, being queer can feel so isolating, not to mention the identity struggle you go through in your 20's no matter who you are. It's a relief to know that even one person feels this way too; it helps more than you can imagine! It's difficult to understand queer feelings in such a heteronormative society, but it helps so much to connect with queer peers. Labels can feel so forced sometimes and I always tell myself I don't have to label myself but sometimes anxiety can creep in and tell me I have to have it all figured out right now, but that's bs! Thank you for reminding me of that ^^ I experience similar feelings of dysphoria and envy with girls (always have I honestly lol); it suckssss so bad, but I completely understand and wish you well navigating those feelings. That being said, you're not alone either! Please keep being wonderful and take care friend!