Dealing with a break up
my fiancé proposed to me on Christmas Eve and now just days ago she broke things off. She’s been dealing with mental health and started going to therapy to work through some child hood trauma stuff. In her own journey she discovered that she has a fearful avoidant attachment style. In all my reading and research to better understand this and support her it confirmed that she would do exactly what she did. When the relationship gets serious they self sabotage and run. I certainly am not perfect as I can be insecure about people leaving me based on past experiences. So when I felt her pulling away I know I clinged more and I know now this only serves to push avoidants always. This isn’t the first time she’s done this in a relationship and so while logically I know it’s not about me and that I genuinely tried everything I could to support her and us, it still hurts so badly and I’m so lost and confused.
we had our entire life planned out and wedding booked etc and yet it’s all just crashing down. She said she’s not happy and not in love but to do all of it so soon after deciding to propose when I gave her every out not to if she wasn’t ready yet just leaves me feeling so lost. Venting has helped
@secretPlace3692
I am so sorry to hear you are on the receiving end of this reckless behavior. That has to be utterly heartbreaking.
I admire the compassion you've been able to show her during this difficult time. That truly says a lot about your character. I wrote a forum piece a while back called, "Borderlines Engineer the Ending of the Very Relationships they Covet." I realize you didn't mention anything about BPD in your original post, but I think it has a ton of insight toward the function of self-sabotage and comes from a book that really offers a lot of healing in its own right. I would love to hear your thoughts if you have time.
In the meantime, I encourage you to protect your heart. Thank you for sharing as I know this will help others in similar situations.