Ghosted me for 13 years and now she loves me
So 13 years ago I fell head over heels in love with a girl from college. She was ‘straight’ and in a relationship with a man and I was in a relationship with a girl.
We both felt the same way for each other and had sex and spent all the time with each other. One night we were in bed she told me she loved me and I replied and told her I loved her too. The next day I texted her and asked to meet up so we could speak about what we were going to do seen as we had told each other we loved each other. I got no response, the day after I text her again and she replied the most hurtful message you could imagine she said ‘sorry am driving to work and I’ve got my boyfriends *** in my hair’
safe to say I was devastated, confused and so hurt. From that point on she ghosted me.
it took me so long to get over her and for 13 years I thought about her at least once a month and have never really been able to not think about her.
2 years ago I messaged her out of the blue and she responded and we literally picked up where we left off. We both cheated again on our partners, fell in love and this time she actually left her boyfriend to be with me and we have been in a relationship for 2 years.
The problem is I just can’t seem to forgive her for breaking my heart 13 years ago and it is eating me up. I get paranoid she is going to do it again to me. We are now engaged and very happy together but I just can’t seem to get over the hurt she caused me and move on.
Any advice? Thanks 😊
@easySky9361
IMO sounds like some who at college age etc .... seem to think it is a phase or during youth they try very hard to have a boy friend / or girl friend if male ..... maybe it is they are not ready to come out etc.... maybe for parents or whatever...... many realize after living a lie they need to be themselves.........
has she told you why? .....
Thanks for your reply,
no she hasn’t told me why she just gets defensive and says it was because she was immature and young but that just doesn’t sit right for me. She was 19 years old and she broke my heart and self worth and confidence and to say ‘oh it was because I was immature’ just isn’t a valid reason to me if that makes sense? X
@easySky9361
Man do I understand how you feel! Honestly, you got the person back into your life and you are happy! That is amazing!
I believe you guys need to start doing trust exercises. Just talk to her, like the last person said, ask her why? You have to share with her how you feel because time can make that lack of trust fester and you don't want that.
Thank you for your reply.
I just don’t know how to approach it with her as every time I calmly try to speak to her it always ends in an argument as she gets so defensive and can never see that she’s done something wrong.
ive tried so many different way to calmly speak to her but somehow it always ends in an argument xx
@easySky9361
Oh. Well, honestly, you are accurate in feeling the way you do then. If she is not willing to even discuss what happened, then she very well may not be ready for that relationship you guys are going into. She has to be willing to discuss it without getting defensive before you guys move further. Yes, you are engaged, great, but she has some things she needs to get over before you give her your heart completely, IMO. You tried to approach it in all the ways possible and she still is not open to the discussion.
You are not the one with the problem here.