Internalized homophobia ?
Oky so my issue is. I am in a relationship with a girl, in the beginning in the relationship she asked me a question asking how many people I’ve kissed before. I knew she never had her first kiss before. And honestly i cannot remind the accurate number of how many people I’ve kissed before (most of them i was drinking alcohol prior to). And repetitively i told her that i cant accurately tell her the number, but she insisted, while i was not comfortable just saying an estimate or number. She then guessed 20, and i said no. Then she guessed 9, and i just said yes to close off the conversation but i knew the number was higher than 9. Moving on, i was her first kiss, and she still sometimes joke and tease me about the total number of people ive kissed. While i was her first kiss. Till this day i feel so ancious and bad about that small white lie I’ve told. But i dont want to break her trust in me. Keeping in mind that this is my first proper relationship with a girl, and previously I’ve had relationships with boys. Where the second problem comes in, i feared that she doubts my sexuality because I’ve kissed more guys and then she’ll doubt my feelings for her.
@najzlsndbjcjhsba
Hi! I hope this message finds you well! I think communication with your girlfriend is really important in this situation. If you are worried, I would maybe sit down with her and express your worries. I don't think you have internalized homophobia though. Be kind and gentle with yourself! <3 Good luck!
if it’s eating at you alive and you feel like sharing your “number” will bring more love and peace into your relationship, then do it . But I’ll be honest with you , if you share all these little details it leaves nothing private to you. Ultimately when you connected with people under the influence or not , those were still your moments with those people , it would not benefit your partner to know all of this info . For what ? So you can walk away from the conversation feeling ashamed or too open because of the number of people you connected with . Keep things simple . If you do decide to share , you make end up sharing a lot more then you intended to and more than likely this conversation won’t end here.
