Married Women Who Love Women
Hello people of the 7 Cups Universe!
I have been away for some time, but I have never stopped loving you. While I have been away, the pressing matter of sexuality has been on my heart.
I realize many of us, sadly, stay in relationships that make us very unhappy. Whether that means our partners are unhealthy, dysfunctional, dishonest, or just plain jane do not match up with our sexual identity and yet - we stay.
Today, I want to hear from those of you who knew you were gay or lesbian but stayed in straight relationships. We all have our reasons, and I don't think anyone should suffer additional judgment or intolerance during a time of crisis.
If you're currently in a mis-matched relationship or have been in the past why did/do you stay? Did you have to sacrifice your truth for the greater good? When did you realize things were off? Did you have the strength to walk away from this relationship? What did you learn about yourself in the process?
Be kind. Be well.
For excellent additional reading on this topic, check out Married Women Who Love Women by Caron Strock. I found great comfort in her words before coming to terms with my own truth.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/84877.Married_Women_Who_Love_Women
Hey there @blitheSun94 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here! 
Thank you very much for sharing this book with us.
I think it is something that quite many of us have to go through. Not necessarily marriage but I remember that I have had a really awkward conversation with my second - and last - girlfriend after like a two months of being together.
I mean, I guess there is my answer, and obviously, it is much easier to make a decision like this with such a young relationship, but I have found that she was very understanding and supporting even of me coming out as gay. Strangely enough, even tho that was the end of our romantic relationship we have actually remained freinds for a while. :)
Stay awesome!
I am bisexual. Got married 2 times, both to men. I've been bisexual (leaning more towards gay) my entire life. I did not love my first husband, I love my current husband more than words. We stuck it out through years of absolute hell to be where we are, and he made me realize I can be happy with a man.
It will never leave my mind that I love women. It will never leave my mind that I will never feel that comfort (of a woman). I hid my bisexuality when I was younger because of the bullying even from my family. I hid it when I was older because I dont feel like I'm allowed to be a part of the gay community. I'm finally "out" to my husband and kids. Does it even matter? I still dont belong and never will. It's just something I have to live with.
I dont do social media and havent since Myspace. This is hard to post but I just have to say something to someone. Thanks for listening.
@helpfulSummer9270 I'm sorry to hear you feel like this. It's surely a hard struggle. However, you should now that there's a place for you in the LGBT community! You don't have to feel left out because you're married to a man. Bisexuality is an identity that doesn't change, whoever your partner is. You're still valid, and you're still bi. Don't let anything or anyone make you believe otherwise!
It's great that you came out to your husband and kids, I know it's not an easy step to make. And of course it matters! Anything that can make you feel better and more free to express yourself is important. Even if not everyone in your life knows - and by the way, it's your right to choose with whom to come out or not! - it's very important to have someone you can share this part of yourself with.
And it's great to have someone you love with all yourself, who loves you back. Maybe you won't ever be with a woman, unless your husband is open to polyamorous relationships, but still you have something very precious, and your sexual identity is not less valid because of it.
I am bi I've been since I could remember but never dated a woman bc my family was and still is not very accepting. I met my now DH (dear husband) and at first I didn't want a a thing to do with him bc I was terrified if he found out he'd drop me or humiliate me just like everyone else. But we hit it off he made me feel safe and loved. He taught me how to love myself. And then one day he caught me watching a girl on girl "movie". I cried out I was bi and told him I'd understand if he wanted a divorce. He hugged me and and told me he loved me no matter what. We've even gone as far as having a few ménage a troix 😂 but we're are so much more closer than ever before bc I've finally accepted my whole self and thanks to him I've learn to love myself completely. He knows I will respectfully check out hot women and he laughs when his sisters snap at him when he says a model actress on tv is hot saying its disrespectful to me I just tease and say she's pretty bc they don't know I'm his. No ones does only one of my sisters and him. Bc I know our families will not be accepting.
@LPyMP thank you for sharing your story, it's really beautiful and inspiring! You're so lucky to have such an amazing and supportive husband, and plus, he's also willing to explore manage a trois! You seem to have a wonderful relationship. With someone so special by your side, I know you'll always be happy and free to express yourself :)
And it's ok not to tell your family, if you think ou'd get more judgement than comfort. Who you come out to is a personal choice. And it seems you made choices that brought you happiness!
@Aayla
Thank you Aayla, there are still some days I need reassurance that he still loves me bc honestly I do worry that one day he'll regret having married someone who is bi. But every time he sees me doubting he shows me a million ways how much he loves me.
I was so happy to find this thread! I have been married to my husband almost 3 years and have been with him 10. I've always been completely open with him throughout our entire relationship. Even so, I don't think he is aware of how much I struggle with my sexuality on a daily basis (mainly because I don't want to worry him). He's been completely supportive this whole time and even encouraged me to seek relationships outside of our own. I've never been able to do this because I'm always worried about all of the "what ifs". I come from a very conservative and catholic family so I was always pressured to be what I'm "suppose to be". From a young age I knew I liked women and not men but I supresssed everything about myself to be what was expected of me. This has never been healthy for me in any way but my husband has helped me through it. It has now gotten to the point where the urge to tell everyone and get this weight off my chest is unbearable. I want to finally tell everybody that this is who I really am. The one person I don't want to hurt is my husband but he seems so happy with me finally getting to this point. I should probably add our relationship is not one of a normal romantic couple but more of a we're so close we're family. It's so hard to explain that honestly, we're partners in life. We love each other but it comes from more of a very deep friendship I guess. Anyways, I have always struggled with this and at this point I want to free myself and I hope my family will be happy for me. I tried to tell my sister today but I choked....well crap, I knew it wouldn't be easy.
Good morning
Married 32 years to the most amazing husband anyone could dream of. Amitted my bicurious side to him 25 years ago. We explored this together with another couple and decided that just wasn't for us but I decided that yes, I'm definitely bisexual.
With his blessing and completely open communication, I found a woman, also married and we started a relationship. We were together 17 years. Her marriage ended 14 years ago. My marriage is stronger but over the past seven years she changed. Physical, emotional and mental abuse became the norm. I finally left her in September.
With open communication a poly relationship can work. It was like I was living two separate lives. But I loved it.
I feel like I wasted the past 5 years trying to fix someone that couldn't be helped without therapy. She refused it. I'm heartbroken but recovering. I don't think I will ever go into another relationship. I'm happy with my husband but still miss the special bond with a woman. Hoping it will just fade away.
Be true to you ladies ❤️
I left my straight relationship and am now madly in love with a woman. I have never been happier. Latent sexuality has a deep damaging effect on your mental health.
Be true. Be you.
