comphet worsened by ocd/adhd
hi !! i am a lesbian with both ocd and adhd and sometimes i get into periods of time where my comphet sort of teams up with my ocd and adhd. my ocd develops obsessions and compulsions regarding me "double checking" or "making sure" i'm not attracted to men/am actually attracted to women and am really a lesbian even when it is very evident i only like non-men. my adhd also causes a lack of emotional permanence (kinda like "out of sight out of mind" but with emotions). for example i could see a woman and acknowledge that i am attracted to her and be aware of that and know that in the moments that i am attracted to her, but when i am not currently experiencing the feelings of attraction in that moment i have difficulty recalling them and get nervous i was faking them all along. do any other nd lesbians experience this?
Can't say I have the same exact experiences but similarly, I doubt myself and I have doubts about the sexuality itself because of upbringing and because everyone else around us seems to be in straight relationships.
Combine that with my first love dumping me for a guy and telling me it was a phase or that she felt weird about beig with a woman. Though I know what we had was real and what she felt was real. I am thinking she repressed her memories and liking women because of her parents and people at school making fun of her.
But deep down I know that these are just personal insecurities and internalised messages from people in the past. I still don't date guys, or anyone. If I were to date someone again I'd have to make sure it's not gonna be someone's 'phase' or short good time.
So in short, I feel you and it's tough to have these doubts circling in our minds. I think they will go away when you'll find people in your life who are the same. Maybe that will offer some reassurance
