Complicated feelings
I’m in my 30s. Married to a man and have two great kids. My marriage has been Rocky recently due to a lot of factors. I know we both still love each other. However, I have battled with the idea that I’m bisexual my whole life and was too afraid to act on it. I have fallen for both men and women but have only ever had encounters with men. I was just too afraid. But I think due to everything going on in my life I’m questioning if I should be married. I love my children and their father but am I missing out on a deeper connection because I never even attempted to date a woman? I know the grass isnt greener on the other side and that having martial problems big and small exacerbates any fantasy I might play in my head. But did back myself into a corner? Am I depriving myself of a happiness I haven’t felt in a long time because I’m with the wrong person?
@AeternaSoles I can understand what you are going through. As I am a man in my 40s who finally accepted that I am bisexual. It feels as if I am losing my mind as I don't know what to do. Everything is feeling so complicated and I don't know where to turn for support. I just want to be sure I did the right thing in admitting my sexual orientation. I understand the feeling you are going through. Maybe we will both find the answers we're searching for. Hope you are doing well and everything works out for you and your happiness.
@AeternaSoles
You are not alone i think many have questions about who they are and the roads not taken.....
I think as you said marriage problems only seem to fuel any doubt and ideas about what ifs. age can do this too...... people thinking they missed something or was unsure ....... only you can decide but if you feel this way have you evr discussed with spouse?
I'm in the same situation except I Have had relationships with women and been sexually Involved with women throughout my marriage I do feel a stronger connection to women then I do my husband who I love and have been with for 15 years ..the attraction To men for me is different it's very difficult And almost nauseating.. I'm struggling to decide on whether to leave my marriage or to stay I feel like I'm selfish for leaving just because I'm not sexually attracted to him and I feel guilty about leaving my 2 children when we have built an amazing life together it just seems selfish but I'm not happy
Monogamy is hard. Biologically and sociologically there is always going to be a desire for relationships outside of our own because no human being can possibly fulfill every one of our desires. It’s unrealistic and unfair to expect that.
This is exacerbated when you’re bisexual, as those what-ifs are essentially doubled. And discovering (or, perhaps, accepting?) your sexual orientation after you’re married creates a natural feeling that you missed out on an opportunity to explore that side of your sexuality.
As I read the comments on this thread I sense a pretty clear delineation between people who are genuinely unhappy in a dishonest relationship that will never provide fulfillment and others who are simply facing the natural curiosity and longing that pretty much everyone in a monogamous relationship feels at some point or another.
In any case, if your resentment is poisoning your relationship or infidelity is imminent, I strongly suggest a conversation with your partner. If there is love, or at least respect, there, you can probably still salvage a friendship if you haven’t yet breached their trust.
And finally remember that relationships need not be defined by societal expectations. Many couples find happiness in open relationships or other arrangements that allow for a wider range of intimacy with multiple partners. But honesty, trust and your partner’s enthusiastic buy-in is a must.
