Confused Sexual Identity
My self deprecating brain says even making this post is drawing too much attention to myself. But I need help.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. That diagnosis triggered a self reflection and assessment that as time has gone on, has now resulted in me questioning my own sexual orientation, labeling, gender preferences. It has been quite the series of revelations.
My identity is that of a very straight 50 year old happily married cisgender man. I have always been a fierce ally. Better at some times vs others. But I have always been a rainbow supporter.
Reflections back on my life upon my ADHD diagnosis, revealed to me multiple times in my younger days where I allowed myself to expand my own understanding of gender presentation. Unfortunately these same reflections point directly to a pattern of shamed behavior I have pushed down or ignored for decades.
I find some of these reflections intriguing and titillating. I stand firm that I am a cisgender heterosexual middle aged male. However I find my sexual attraction is certainly related to an internal concept of femininity. I have been attracted to cis women my whole life. My spouse is a cis het woman. I adore her. I adore her genitals. For some reason I challenged myself whether I would feel the same if she were a trans woman. The answer is inarguably YES. I suppose this same theory would expand to include feminine born female non-binary individuals as well.
Not sure what I intend or hope to get from posting this. But I’m putting it out there. There’s more. But I can ramble.
@sincerePineapple6964
I appreciate your honesty.
It's not always easy to find a safe, supportive and non judgemental place to talk through these things.
And when you don't go through them yourself , it can be very helpful to have honest conversations with people, so that you are as respectful and present for people as you can be.
Welcome to seven cups and so nice to meet you.
It's never too late to continue discovering new things about your life 💜💕
@Amanda84 thank you for your input. I appreciate the positive feedback. I was having a rough night when I posted that. It all rings true, and I’m a little sad you’re the only one who commented. Can you tell me how to post messages that might invite more insight from others? Should I have used a different thread? Very new to this whole forum kind of thing
@sincerePineapple6964
No, you have posted in the right place .
I know it can be hard when you don't feel heard , but it's hard to ever estimate how many replies anyone will get. But I'm happy to have reached out, happy you are here and happy to have met you 💕💜
Hey there,
First of all, thank you for such a vulnerable and thoughtful post! Thank you for trusting this space and saying what's on your mind. Sounds like you're still on a journey of discovery.
As someone also late diagnosed ADHD, the self exploration can be wild. It also led me down to explore what else I was masking. It encouraged me to put other societal expectations on its head and wonder who I was really was.
In regards to your thoughts on orientation and attraction, sounds like you like women. You asked yourself a great question about cis vs. trans women. And it comes down to just that you like women.
Gender is such a strange thing that defies clothes, body parts, and other forms of presentations. Keep asking those questions and noodling on things. You're worth the attention, clarity, and space.