How are you supposed to know what your sexuality is?
So I’ve been questioning myself lately and it’s kinda stressing me out. I don’t really know if I’m gay or not. Like, I’ve liked and dated both men and women before, but when I imagine my future, I usually picture myself with a man… except when I think about marrying a woman, it just seems so much better.
I think part of me wants to believe I’m straight because that’s what would make my family happiest. But honestly, I can feel it eating at me. I can like guys, and I’ll date them, but I lose interest so fast—it’s weird. When I date a girl, though, I don’t lose that feeling. Everything feels more exciting and real. I feel that spark I always expect to feel with guys but never really do.
I haven’t dated a ton of people, but I’ve noticed I kind of force myself to flirt with guys because that’s just what everyone else does. When I see lesbians online I’m like, “yeah, I want that,” and then I turn off my phone and start overthinking everything again.
Also… I have a Pinterest board full of cute gay couples, my friend’s super boy-crazy and I can’t really relate, and my main playlist? Mostly lesbian songs (like Girls by Girl in Red lol).
Idk, I guess I’m just confused and trying to figure myself out. If anyone’s been through something similar, how did you know?
@4579Xx So I am asexual. I learned this through watching my friends start relationships of their own with other people. One of my gal friends is now married to a nice man. I have another gal friend who is in a relationship with another girl. I have a guy friend who is engaged. I am an adult and yet, I have never been in a relationship with anyone. I find men attractive and I think women are beautiful, but I just can't picture myself in a relationship with anyone because I can't imagine living the rest of my life with someone outside of my family. I couldn't step into that zone of romance and sexual relationships because I find anything sexual disgusting and I never wanted to force myself into a relationship just to break the other person's heart when I say "I can't do it anymore".
My point is, don't force yourself into a relationship if it's not what you want. If you are thinking about dating the same gender, take some time, observe others, and think about if you could spend the rest of your life with that person. Same goes for if you're thinking about dating someone of the opposite gender. There is such thing as bisexuality in which you are attracted to both genders. There's also the term pansexuality which means you are attracted to someone no matter their gender. Either way, you don't have to choose a label if you don't want one.
In the end, I chose to label myself as asexual because I don't want anyone making advances on me. If you are questioning your sexuality and aren't sure what to do, don't force yourself to make decisions when you are still unsure. You can experiment or observe others, but I just want you to be safe about it. Know that being safe is top priority. I'm sharing my story because I thought it could help you, but if this didn't help at all, I'm sorry to waste your time. Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sure others can relate.
