My coming out letter to my dad (highlights)

Okay so I'm a transmasc teen and I have this random burst of I should comeout energy, because horrible things happen to people everyday and I don't want to live as a girl anymore just in case something happens, you know? I've gotten these feelings before, but I actually wrote the letter, and it's got 1233 words at the moment. I'm too scared to tell my dad in person and my probably neurodivergent brain pre-plans some things when talking to people but can't remember them and it sucks, so, letter time I guess. I'm going to show it to my therapist to make sure it's good first, and then I'll put it into my dad's lunchbox before I go to school or something. I kinda already came out to my mum but she's alright and it was nearly a year ago now and she hasn't said anything, whatever. This isn't all of it, but most of it anyway. Here's the highlights in the letter:

by the way there will be a trigger warning mentioning someone almost not being alive anymore due to their own actions, the TW posted before the paragraph mentioning it.

Dear Dad,

This will only be harder for not only me, but mom also, if you don’t accept the fact. I don’t want anyone to argue or fight, and I’m not saying this to make you angry or get attention. I know that you don’t believe the way that I and many others feel is real, that we’re just faking it, but we’re not.

I’m transgender. This will go one of two ways, but either way you only have one daughter (my sister) from this moment on. Whether that’s you accepting the fact that I’m your son now or you not accepting me as your child at all- I can only hope for the first one. Mom won’t let you kick me out, but if you feel that way then that would really suck.

I’ve already told my friends, and every single one of them still loves me. If you don’t accept that I’m a guy, then you don’t love me. I know that even if you do still love me and admit that I am who I am, it’ll be hard for everyone to learn how I’m trying to change.

Now what I’m sure is one of your main concerns: Does God still love me? Of course he does, he loves everyone. But does He acknowledge me as one of his sons? I think he does, and that my being transgender is simply another one of life’s trials; like having a disability. I’ll give two examples for you to understand what I mean by this.

A person with depression isn’t meant to ignore it and just be happy, but rather get help through meds, therapy, or both. A person whose legs don’t work isn’t supposed to just sit around and rot away, but use a wheelchair and do the best they can to live out their life as anyone else: and both these examples of people are able to achieve success in life, just as people who don’t struggle with these. I believe that God acknowledges this and wants me to become someone who is happy with myself, and not this mess that I feel I am.

Like with the depression example, you can’t always see what’s going on inside, so you shouldn’t assume anything. It’s like a sickness that I ought to heal- but not healing to try and be the girl I’m not, but rather like building legos into something way better than the instructions.

Trigger warning!

The next paragraph will mention a near su*cide, not someone specifically doing it but it is mentioned so if that would trigger you, please skip the next paragraph, take care, and thank you.

beep boop be careful loves

For some parents, I’ve seen that their transgender kids have nearly killed themselves before the parents realize and choose loving their kid as they are, rather than trying to change them and not accepting them. I refuse to die that way though. I’m alright for the time being, and I hope to never get to that point.

Being trans isn’t a choice, kindness is: what are you choosing?

I didn’t really want to tell you, since it’s really scary, uncomfortable, and difficult. But so is living a lie. I was going to wait until I was old enough to move out and play it safe, with a job and a place to go if necessary, but (therapist's name) said I should try to live my truth and consider telling you. (therapist's name) also suggested that I bring you and mom to a session, which I think is a good idea.

I know that transitioning won’t solve all of my problems, but it’ll make my life so much better than it is right now. I’m not saying that my life is bad, because my life is very good. I’m quite lucky to live in a good house with good food and I’m smart- I am just not very happy trying to live as a girl anymore.

At this point, now that you know, I don’t particularly care who you tell. You’re kind of like the big boss battle and once this is over I can tell anyone! I have been only so afraid for you to find out but now that it’s out there then that makes me stronger and I will live my truth- either supported by you or not.

if you have any questions I will answer them eagerly, even the awkward ones. I’m only asking you to be respectful when you ask, of course.

If you’re mad, please don’t yell at me, you’ll only make it worse and I will leave the room. We can talk like reasonable people, right? This is going to be really hard on everyone but hopefully this can strengthen our relationships and I will be happier with myself.

I only need a few things from you: Love, support, and an open mind. And if you're not willing to offer those I can get them somewhere else, but it’s just not the same. Also, some gender-affirming care would be really sweet. This is also probably something to talk to my doctor about, if you’re willing.

I love you, and I can only hope you still love me. As for the other kids, I’m not too worried as (sister's name) already calls me “he” sometimes by accident, and the other boys (my brothers) should catch on quick as well. Nothing you’ve done has “made me trans”, I just am, and nothing you can do will ever change that.

Your scared sh*tless and very tired son,

(my new chosen name)