I cant get girls

I Can’t Get Girls – post

TRIGGER WARNING:

Before reading this post, I would like to share that this content will include information related to pornography addiction and its psychological impact. If you have had experience of any type of trauma, be that in childhood or adulthood, please excuse yourself from this post and chat 1-1.

When we find it difficult to get grip with certain emotions loneliness, depression, tiredness, anxiety, stress and anger we can facilitate unhealthy coping mechanisms. Whilst euphoric in the moment feelings of shame, disappointment and disgust are common. The shame can be associated with acquiring knowledge about the lack of safety in the pornography industry which includes sex trafficking. Let’s explore the findings in a qualitative piece of research!

Qualitative research (Dantas and Hanseder, 2023) has highlighted the negative implications of Pornography use on men’s mental health. It was found that on average 11.85 years of age was the earliest in which the Australian males viewed pornography with the same qualitative research highlighting that the motivations behind watching involved peer pressure. One male participant noted about how he perceived women through a lens of objectification rather than who they are as individuals and once there pornography use was reduced they would feel more confident in their sexuality coupled with their approach to women.

Let us now look at the impact of the female significant other indirectly! The cognitive scripts theory suggests that we form a cognitive script behind what should and should not be allowed, how people should and should not react in response to what is and what is not happening and what the outcomes of particular course of action be as noted (Wright 2011, p348). Findings in a quantitative study  (Bridges et al 2016) revealed that college men (18-29 years old) that there was a negative association between higher pornography use and enjoyment experienced from sexual intimacy

It’s not all about how the men who struggle cannot get girls! Similar research that was qualitative (Hartini, Setyawati and Suryanto 2020) highlighted that pornography use lead to poor social skills in terms of non-romantic pursuits such as developing and initiating friendships, difficulties in group situations and a preference for spending time alone.

So what does “I can’t get girls” really mean. Sometimes we can feel ashamed to say what we are struggling with and why. The individual can mean this:

-          I am not socially confident with women

-          I feel lonely

-          I will always be unsuccessful in interactions with women

-          Women do not respond positively to me

-          I feel hurt

-          I feel rejected.

How can we find the resources tailored to support even outwith 7 cups?

https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/porn-addiction Steps you can take based on intervention

https://thetruismcenter.com/healing-together-how-couples-can-address-porn-addiction/ How you can chat to your partner to understand their addiction?

An exercise you and your partner can work on together or separately:

Narrative story exercise - Look through each of your pictures childhood to adulthood – name what your motivations and intentions are in each picture,

What were you feeling? What were your aims and goals? What does trust look like for both of you? What does love feel like for both of you?

Whats the point?

-To explore how we can support individuals struggling with pornography addiction to help them feel safe.

- This resource can be used for members and can be used in chatrooms to facilitate discussion to educate individuals on sensitive matter with warm.

- It's about teaching the individual to connect with the part of themselves that doesn’t feel worthy.

Please tag those who would be interested.

Good mental health always <3

Kindness and love,

GoldenruleJG