I'm just going through some stuff
Been trying to get my mind off a girl I work with.
Spent the night at an older woman's house. She was way too into her dogs. I wasn't even attracted but I tried to be romantic. That didn't play out which made me feel worse somehow.
Tried to line up a date with a younger woman but there were alot of signs pointing to that being a sock puppet (unwilling to talk on phone, would not let me take an Uber to her area but instead insisted I send her bitcoin for gas) ... like it was obvious and I STILL feel worth less when that fell through.
With that mornings plans ruined I made bad decisions. Got very drunk and made a paid account on ChristianCupid. First girl that feigns interest asks to talk on ***. I find their @ and its clearly a brand new profile with only one image uploaded - a list of prices for dirty videos.
I found that person on CHRISTIAN CUPID
I'm just feeling super dejected.
So I got more drunk and went to a tent I have in the woods somewhere. From a life not long left behind.
I get back the next morning and I blow up at my roomate over some dumb ***.
I'm probably going back to that tent tonight.
Because I'm not over this.
@DaveMarx
You are craving attention, affection and intimacy, connection is vital but it can't be forced and you cannot just accept it from anyone who has it to offer, you need and deserve more than that and the wrong company will make you feel worse. Take time to figure out how to be happy and comfortable in your own company, stop seeking out temporary thrills, and in time, you will have a better frame of mind and be able to meet people properly. Wishing you the best 💜🥰
Been doing alot of thinking. Alot of listening. And I think I have a self esteem issue. A self worth issue.
Life made more sense when I was struggling. Now that I am objectively more comfortable, I can't stand it. It's like guilt. The sense that I don't deserve to be comfortable.
Add to that societal ideas of what is a normal living situation and you have me beset on both sides.
My brain's telling me I'm guilty for having. The world tells me I should feel inadequate for not having more.
I still don't know what to do about this but if there's a starting point for growth, I figure this is it.
And so one thing I definitely need to work on is not tying my self worth to the idea of having this or that. I need to remember that what I DO defines my worth.
And definitely not tie it to another person by way of romance.
@DaveMarx
I happen to come across this
Just know that take it from someone who is married . Just be yourself and if the people don't like that or you you don't need them .
Just know that God loves you and you will find the right girl when you stop looking for them .it will happen when you at least expect it .
Bad things happen to good people
This is so sad , pls u need to clear off ur mind ,move on and be strong , because it takes time
@DaveMarx
"With that mornings plans ruined I made bad decisions. Got very drunk(...)"
"I'm just feeling super dejected.
So I got more drunk(...)"
Don't you see any pattern here which might be very harmful and dangerous? You cannot drink anytime you feel emotionally overwhelmed, because there is not a single problem that can be "solved" by booze.
It looks like you are craving for an emotional connection, the one that could let you better define your the reason for the existence. But lots of people now are strange and they do not even want a connection, despite them declaring otherwise. So, wouldn't that be like building castles in the sand?
Some "people" online are crooks, which is bad, but is also a sad norm of today. You cannot do too much about it, apart from blocking, reporting and making their supply of victims dry out.
Escape to a tent from "modern society" realms sounds quite a natural way. But despite your disappointments you seemingly still need some real people around...
How would you feel about finding some friendliness in this world, even though it sometimes does not look as friendly at all?
