Confronting Anxiety Through Mindfulness: My Experience of Sitting with Fear

I am interested in the practice of mindfulness and this morning, I made a deliberate attempt to sit with my anxiety. Typically, I have made a habit of avoiding it, as the sensations are too overwhelming for me.

The pain in the centre of my chest is particularly pronounced, and it is both constricting and oppressive. My throat aches, my jaws tighten, my back aches, and my eyes sting from the stress. Above all, I am gripped by fear, and all I desire is to be protected and cocooned in a secure bubble.

This unenviable situation has been my reality since as far as I can remember, and despite my efforts to rid myself of fear, it remains a constant presence in my life, affecting my ability to learn, concentrate, feel, do, be with others, be with myself, and understand who I am and what the world around me truly is. Fear is ever-present, consuming everything in its path.

Everything I experience is viewed through the lens of fear.

I pause to take a deep breath, I pause to reflect, but the enormity of the battle drains me, and exhaustion sets in, causing my eyelids to droop. My throat now feels like it is on fire, and I am filled with sadness about my situation. I also feel anger towards those who have contributed to my present state.

Overwhelmed by my emotions, I feel a strong urge to cry, so I believe it is best to end this experience for now.