my life is like multi tabs multi attention dispersed everywere no focus

Lately i had been too caught in generating images mostly nsfw, and others as well, i notice how the computer and image generation become like a drug to escape from other lacking in my life. Such as lack of face to face human contact, lack of structure, goals, lack of doing things for my life.

On the other hand i am rehabbing from ACL ( anterior cross ligament) surgery was on day 15 of January of 2026, I am recovery well, doing gym again which is one of the moments i go outside my house, and I am addict to computers, electronic devices, etc. Used to be addict to video games but I stopped that like 2 years ago. I do therapy 2 days per week, I aim to go to the gym 6 days per week, and going back to swimming too on top of weight lifting, next month i will be able to do bicycle too outside, now i can only do stationary one. I also learn Chinese and draw.

Yet my main issue with me is I do so many solo activities that at a point were i get to the screen of the computer, while going with the intent of drawing, or maybe other productive activities, i end up doing more passive things to escape my loneliness and feeling bad for all the mistakes i did and continue to do, so so like escapism, 

So i should try to have an agenda , to organize myself and work on things to do, even small things, like yesterday i went to play D&D with dungeon master, is a sorta board game were everyone assume roles of fantasy character, one directs (DM) and our actions are determine by luck (trow of dice) . It was lovely being outside my house speaking with others, i did some drawing scribbles while there , i guess out of anxiety , and at time i realized how lovely is to interact with people, be outside, walk, feel the sun, see the sky, the trees and not just images in a computer. I had another activity planed for that day, but due to that i only slept around 1-3 hours due to staying all night with computer i did not went to second activity of mundo lingo( language practices).

So all in all was a productive day, I also need to work on things like my sleeping schedule, doing daily activities for me and my house and others i need to pay attention to like doctors, or whatever could benefit me in taking care of myself and growing, like baby step.

thanks for reading 

done :) 

yay