Facing Fear

Life is frightening. Every day new threats arise or old ones return. Countless things could go wrong, and many of them do. On top of this our minds regularly anticipate even more misfortunes than actually befall us.Its no wonder we feel afraid. We hear every day about terrible things accidents, addiction, assaults, aneurysms, adultery, Alzheimers, attacks, amputations, abductions, atherosclerosis, abandonment, AIDS and these are just a few at the beginning of the alphabet. Some misfortunes are caused by other people, some by our own missteps, and many simply by the fact that everything change we age, our children grow up, economic conditions shift, storms brew, wood rots, metal rusts, everything that is born dies.

Fear is our mind and bodys ancient, hardwired response to every perceived threat, no matter how subtle. We are therefore frightened much of the time, though we often dont think about it this way. Many days we just feel stressed. When the threat is even less obvious, we might feel restless, bored, or antsy. Perhaps we find ourselves procrastinating to avoid a certain task or encounter (Ill pay the bills tomorrow). Or we find ourselves compulsively driven to finish projects, accomplish goals, or meet deadlines (I cant relax until I get this done).

Fear can also show up as a stress-related physical symptom such as a headache, digestive distress, back pain, or insomnia. It can prompt us to drink too much, visit the refrigerator, or waste hours surfing the Internet. And fear can lead to regrets about the things we avoid because of it...the phone call we duck, the opportunity we pass up, or the important encounter we put off. This avoidance then leads to more fear, as we worry about the trouble well face (from ourselves or someone else) for chickening out.While sometimes we dont immediately recognize our fear, at other times we have no doubt that were scared. We feel anxious, tense, uptight, or cant stop worrying. Perhaps we even develop sweaty palms, tight shoulders, a pounding heart, or panicked feelings. These sensations can get so intense that we desperately want to get rid of them.Fear is also constantly changing. Our level of distress may be low one moment but high the next. We may feel anxious regularly or only sporadically. Whatever our particular patterns, most of us find that fear, worry, or anxiety gets in the way of enjoying life at least occasionally. After all, almost everything is more fun when we feel relaxed.

Some skills that can help:

Accept Your Feelings

Realize that events of this magnitude take time to process. Even if you were not directly affected, exposure to constant media coverage can be traumatizing. Give yourself time to feel sad or introspective. These are normal reactions.

Re-establish Your Usual Routines

Dont spend all day watching news coverage. Sleep, exercise, healthy eating, pleasant activities, time with friends and family, yoga or meditation can strengthen your internal resources to cope.

Create a Mental Safe Place

Mentally create a peaceful and relaxing setting in your mind to help you de-stress. Deliberately focus on each sense at a time. What do you see, hear, smell,and feel in this real or imaginary haven of peace?

Find Self-Compassion

Treat yourself and your own feelings with tenderness and compassion. Do not push feelings away. Rather find or create a comforting envoironment in which to feel them. This may be with a friend or family member, while taking a bath, or while listening to soothing music. Mindfulness meditation, with its dual focus on observing the breath and letting sensations come up, provides an excellent way of looking at feelings while remaining anchored in the present.

Create a Narrative

Write a narrative of how you found out about the event, the details that upset you, and your thoughts and feelings. Writing helps you to organize your reactions into a narrative that makes your reactions clearer and more understandable. When we name it, we can tame it.

Turn to the Positive

Remind yourself that although the world contains much suffering and cruelty, it also contains much that is good. Deliberately think about the positive and uplifting things in your own life and community.Think about the freedoms and opportunities you have that many in the world have not. Focus on the strengths and coping strategies you have developed and the people you can turn to for help if you need it.

Please do share if these things are helpful for you. Or maybe you have some thing totally different you do to be mindful of your fear.

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