How Can I Show Love To Myself?
Hello everyone
I hope you all are doing ok today
I have observed a lot around 7cups as well as in my daily life on "how can I show myself love" Yes this simple question yet so hard for many to do. It can be due to many things. Trauma, not shown love, even mistrusting. Thing is no matter what we gone through- hell and back we can start learning to love ourselves. We deserve that and need that to live. Do you want to learn of some ways to start showing love to yourself? Come on and sit with me while I share a few things with you
Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home. – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Let's say you dont love yourself and see yourself as not beautiful nor good enough. Then comes a person who tells you how wonderful you are. Would you accept it? No, it is more likely you would think they are either lying, mad or not particularly picky. Self-love seems to be natural; you live your whole life with yourself, in your body. You spend more time with yourself than with anyone other you love, you understand yourself the best, and you are the one who keeps all of your secrets.
Then why do you have a problem with loving yourself? Isnt the self-love something we are born with? Unfortunately, not.
Many factors can jeopardize your self love and self respect.. These factors vary from your parent's influence in your childhood, your social environment and culture to your distorted self-image. Whatever the reason might be, living without loving yourself is exhausting, stressful and may induce many negative emotions. It means constant self-doubt, fear of not being (good, smart, pretty) enough, missing chances because of the low self-esteem, burdening other people with repeated request for approval and so on.
On the other hand, loving yourself means being able to feel self-compassion and empathy for your own feelings, to greet and compliment yourself as any other person you love, to accept yourself as an imperfect human being and forgive yourself for your mistakes.
How Can Mindfulness Help?
Regarding being in the present and entering mindfulness, loving yourself means finding a way to be kind, non-judgmental and aware of whatever happens to you or whatever you are experiencing. It is an unconditional positive attitude towards our inner experiences. In order to love ourselves, we should start by simply being gentle to ourselves, as we are to other people. It means acting kind and friendly towards our emotions. Learning to observe our emotions and be with them instead of getting overwhelmed by them, is a big step forward.This includes unpleasant emotions as well as pleasant ones. Pushing away negative experiences and clinging to positive ones is a bad strategy. We often create more suffering by doing so, because we turn to drinking alcohol or some other unhealthy coping mechanism. Accepting and mindfully experiencing our feelings such as sadness, fear or anxiety is not the sign of weakness but the sign of strength.
Exercise Loving Yourself Even if it Seems Silly Loving yourself is not something that happens overnight. It needs a lot of work, and the work doesn't stop once you get to your goal. You need to water your self-love plant every day if you want it to flourish. However, you will find the way that suits you the most to do this, but for self-love beginners – heres some help. These exercises might seem silly, but they work and produce a fuzzy warm feeling around your heart.
Be Your Own Cheerleading Coach
You are the only one who knows what you need or want to hear, or knows the right amount of love..
I am loveable.
I love and accept myself as I am right now.
I am smart and have multiple intelligences.
My belly holds my power and intuitive center and I am grateful for it.
My life has ups and downs just like everyone and I have enough right now.
Take Actions Guided by Self-Love Repetitively make positive affirmations to yourself such as the phrase: I am deserving of kindness. Support these thoughts with positive actions such as giving yourself more space in the day, patience, and creating better self-care practices.
Quality Time: Be Present with Self-Love Set aside time for daily mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. These devotions will help you connect with your highest self.
Make time for leisure and hobbies. Time for play and enjoyment is an important aspect of celebrating the gift of life.
Prioritize sleep and exercise. You must reboot and revitalize your physical being.
Do not over-schedule, over-book or over-commit. Your life is worth more than being a gerbil on a wheel
1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?
2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?
3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?
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Thank you for sharing this post.
1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?
I often overthink and overanalzye, and that alone makes me feel insecure and unlovable. I often think something is wrong with me, or that I have to be a certain way in order to love myself more, instead of unconditionally loving myself.
The thought that I often struggle with is "I don't matter anyway" or "See, always getting ignored. Nobody wants to be bothered with me." or "I'm not that interesting, they usually prefer other people over me" I think because I often compare myself to other people.
2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?
I often get into these negative thought patterns and I end up believing my own lies...or I look for evidence that I think suggests I'm not good enough.
3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?
I've been doing a better job, but I get lazy at times or lose motivation when things go wrong.
@RumpleSteeleSkin to me showing self love starts with not judging myself and accepting what I am going through as okay, even if I am not pleased with what I am going through.
It can mean tuning into what I am feeling and being sensitive to what I need, just like a parent knowing what their child needs, I can be sensitive to my inner child.
So this means I need to learn how to be the parent and find the parent within me. This can be challenging if my parents were perfectionists or always judging me or putting me down. Why is this challenging? Because that is exactly what the parent within me is modeled after. So I may need to do some remodeling, rip out some walls and create a more open space in my mind that can accept who I am even if my parents couldn't.
So for me reinventing my inner parent is an important step towards loving my inner child.
@soulsings I feel the same need to rebuild a non-conditional love between inner parents and inner child.
@soulsings
Hi Souls good to see you today To accept what you are going through does show some level of self love/care. For some I know this is very hard tho, just on the accepting as many may feel uncomfie and want to change it ASAP. But I do agree with you first step is accepting. I like what you said on "tuning into yourself" on how you feel and then feeding that inner child. We forget about that so fast and I do believe that inner self is like your soul. Wow I love how you explained how it is in the inside-like a parent
I never heard that before but makes so much sense. Yes a parent is judgemental and critical and and and....but to find the middle ground on both sides is good. A bit hard but not so hard if you think on it the way you put it. Personally I am going to look at it just as you shared. And I do hope what you shared helps another here. Thank you Souls very much
@RumpleSteeleSkin I do love things about myself. I can also thank myself and spent time on just me. But one thing I struggle with immensly is forgiving myself. That's just something I can't do. Not sure if I ever can.
@JayTheBird14
Hiya Jay good to see you here I think that is great that you can thank yourself as well as spend time with you. That is way more then many can do, as some times it can be very complicated due to past things. I understand on the forgiving self part too. That to is another part of self love/care. Can you explain why you can't forgive yourself? What stands in the way? And is there a way here on 7cups we can help you start this? And just wanted to tell you- you are doing a good job
I would love some ideas for showing self-love.
Zee
@wasabizee
Building yourself up. Believing in yourself. Forgiving yourself.
@wasabizee
Hello Wasa good to see you as well as being brave and asking for some ideas on HOW to show self love. I hope these links can help you
https://youtu.be/k2Cjf56vTOY bell sounds
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Please call me Zee as my signature suggests on my post. Yes, I read your post. I was also looking for ideas from others. Thanks.
Ok to answer the questions
1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?
Its all of it. Its panic. My body feels icky. My legs and feet are heavy yet tingly and my jaw tenses up and my head doesnt work right. Its a thought that its wrong, sinful, to put myself first.. its the thought that Im only worth something if Im useful to somebody. And Ive been told over and over again that Im not. Its feelings of hopelessness because I want somebody to notice me and say Im ok yet Im terrified they will hurt me. Its also anger because I can give myself the approval I seek yet Ive not been taught how.
2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?
My own thoughts and feelings, selfish nature of children, unavailability of husband. Fear. Guilt. Fatigue
3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?
Find someone who is good at it
@Longing4peace
Hi Peace good you dropped in today I thank you so much for sharing this here with us, that was brave of you So for you showing self love/care gives you panic, feeling it's wrong makes you feel icky. hmmm that has to really be hard to cope with knowing you want this for yourself and yearn it also. We also do want others to notice we have "worth" in life even if we don't have nothing to give but our pressence rigt. Ok so how about this...Can you do something really really small? Is there some food, clothing, music or even a bath you love? Where it makes you feel good and kinda fuzzy? Try with these very small things and don't notice nothing- right notice nothing just do it! If you get in a habit of the "action" part the feeling part will come natually. So for you it's really hard to show self love/care due to thoughts/feelings, childrens needs(oh yes on this one) husband not around for you and some very unpleasant feelings. I am sorry this is how it is for you. But I ask you try those very small things, cause SELF love doesn't include your family. But you-you come first and have to find some ways and time no matter how the kids whine on what they believe they think they need. (my kids do this 100% of the time and make me feel worse) I do hope that you can find someone who is strong in this area to guide you in learning self love. Maybe here on 7cups you can browse for a great listener in this area. Please keep me informed on how things are going.
@RumpleSteeleSkin kids are so hard lol. Even as Im reading this they are flicking eachother in the face. I think I might need to organise more breaks for myself. ;)
Thanks for your reply :)
@Longing4peace
Hi Peace haha I do know on kids haha! Yes we need to focus on us first, but as a parent we seem to do this quickly most of the time-and that is ok. Can I suggest maybe teaching the kids on some mindfulness as well? I do a few times a week with them and yes they giggle and make smart remarks. But after they are done they have good things to say
@RumpleSteeleSkin good idea :) cheers
I have low self-esteem and can't look myself in the mirror and tell myself anything positive. Mainly caused by my mother who gave mixed signals.
@ScaredRed
HI red thank you for being here and sharing what you did. I know it was hard and maybe scary but I am so glad you shared this little bit to all of us. Yes parents can surely make an imprint on our adult lives and kinda make it even harder to figure things out. We ask why? Why didn't they just love me for me??? 
But now we are grown and are responsible to do that for ourselves, no longer mom and dad-right. But where, how, what??? How do I do this
By telling yourself little thigs that are positive and truths daily. One day you wake up and say "hello Red" next morning you wake up " Hello Red-" and thank some part of your body for what it does. Yes I know this sounds silly, but please try it. If you do this for 30 days you will see that one day you wake up and say"Hi Red I like you today"
Do things that make you happy! And be patient, things like this take time
This is really difficult for me because i fight self worth issues but one way i show self love is allowing myself to read or watch youtube after a long day and remind myself i am doing the best i can, even on tough days or weeks
@teleah70
Hiya Teleah great to see you here It is very difficult to show yourself love/care you are right. But I see here what you shared you are showing this to yourself. Good job Sometimes we make this self love/caring seem harder then it is, and complicate it even more. But little things that you mentioned ARE self love even after a busy day or week. Keep up the good work and you will see yourself doing even more
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thanks, good ideas. Here's others, I came up with.
Reminding yourself of all of that you done well during the day.
@ReservedExcitement
That is very important to remember....is appreciating the good in the present moment
@RumpleSteeleSkin YES...we are who we really are in each moment we are aware!
@BlueSkyDay1911
Blue I do agree with that so much
This is such a hard thing for me to do I guess b/c it doesn't come naturally. It's like I have this idea love is something you share with others, not yourself.
I know my anxiety and self esteem issues get in the way of self love. Plus I am not always the nicest, gentlest person when I am stressed. I am the person just trying to keep it together.
I also find I am far more compassionate to other people than i am with myself. Don't know why that is
@orangeOwl1462
So relatable to someone who spends a lot of time focused on other people's needs and forgetting to care for himself.
Self care can be anything from doing a hobby you really enjoy when you want to stir your mind away from negativity, something creative or perhaps a sport to occupy your mind. For some it's saying no to parties, hangouts, toxic people or anything that can induce stress or negative emotions afterwards. It's up to you. What are the things that excite you the most when a friend decides to do something nice for you? You see where I'm going. Be a good friend to yourself.
One thing I like to repeat to myself is the words of doctor Jordan B Peterson
'Treat yourself as someone you're responsible for helping' (something along those words)
He also said
'treat yourself however you want to be treated.'
See what he did?
Anyways I wish you the best in finding ways to show love and appreciation for yourself and all that you do. Don't remember that you are enough! 😊
@privatevoid
How do you figure out what you actually like to do, or what gives you pleasure? Ive struggled this that all my life. I wud much rather do for someone else as I find that much easier than focusing on myself. Ive tried a few things, but, get bored fast. I have just taken early retirement and moved half way across the country with my boyfriend. He works on the road. I am very fortunate to be able to travel with him; however, Im finding myself with way too much free time! And no hobbies/interests. Where do I start? Ideas??
@cyanOwl3282
Hmm, one thing I could suggest is finding more about yourself, perhaps taking a standardized personality test. I guess you could look up MBTI, the big 5 personality traits or the Enneagram. It can show you more about yourself, what you enjoy, what motivates you and fulfills you. You can find sites that even help with that sort of thing, finding what your passions are and what is meaningful to you.
I could also suggest maybe signing up for a Pinterest account? If you are looking for new things to do, ideas to try out, hobbies to pursue, I would definitely recommend it! That's where I get most of my inspiration and ideas from.
Hope you find something that suits you!
@privatevoid
Thank you! I will check those things out. Thank you again ❤️
@cyanOwl3282 I'm with you 100% , it's like, "What exactly am I supposed to be doing with my life?" I have moments of blinding inspiration which fizzle into nothing and then I end up feeling bad for not acting on them. I'm just trying to be patient with myself but it's hard sometimes.
@cyanOwl3282, Ive been thinking about your question since yesterday. One thing you could do is challenge yourself to try something new each week. Look online or in the local paper and see whats happening in your region. Go to events you otherwise would have passed up. You may discover a real connection. Good luck.
I relate to this so much!
@orangeOwl1462
@orangeOwl1462
Hiya Owl good to see you I am sorry to hear that showing self love to yourself is hard- that is ok. And I have heard that to- love is with another. There is some truth to that yes, but first we must love and show it to ourselves before we can truly offer/accept it from another. Anxiety is the biggest "gate keeper" of all for many reasons. Can I suggest maybe you write down when the next time you feel this. That way you are mindfully aware of when this is going to happen and you can plan for it to come out better. It is tiring to keep it all together. Have you thought on sharing that load with someone? This action too- is showing self care/love to yourself. A lot of us find showing compassion to others is so much easier lol. I don't know exactly why this is but it is Can you try and share that compassion with yourself once in awhile? Little steps for you?
@orangeOwl1462
I can relate a 100% to what u wrote