Some 7cups recollections

Some years ago..... one of the earliest memories I have of 7cups is of signing in to a group chat- lying in my bed with no energy to get up - because I was in deep depression - and just sharing that all I did in the day was take shower. And they all spoke about how courageous I was . And I was thinking what are they saying - how is this courage by any definition. But because I was so weak to decide anything for myself I decided to embrace their idea - it just made me feel good about myself . Whether I deserved it or not didn't matter, just that I was being shown love uplifted me and gave me strength to build upon my so-called courage and do a bit more.
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Then came the stage for the need of a human connection. Because I was completely alone. Completely bottled up. Haven't expressed myself in years about the painful stuff - hiding away all through till it had gotten me to collapse. They give u 5 listener options in a day. Desperate by my solitude id take on all 5 - hit and try. Take whatver i get.  i started speaking about my problems..   whatever I could make sense of them, I narrated. Many times i stayed silent because I didnt have words to explain what was going on. (When youve silenced things for years and years -- it takes time for them to surface in the form of expressions ). But just having a human around paying attention made me feel good. Slowly I started getting feedback on things from the listeners - everyone shared their insights, their philosophies of life.... and whatever idea resonated with me I picked it up .... others that were ambiguous to me i left out.... I felt understood . I felt like what felt was so big in my mind was after all part of our overall human struggles and there were many others like me in the world whom i could share the pleasure of familiarity with.. the weight I was carrying lessened...
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After this phase which lasted for quite a while, I took a break from 7cups and went about managing my life. I had curiosity of lots of things so I took to reading on everything i wanted to learn about.  And I would journal a lot - I think i wrote the most meaningless things ever - I still have some old records and yes I can tell how broken my mind was in trying to comprehend the word around me.

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Only recently did i return to 7cups. Much healthier now than the very first time years ago. I came without any plan. Just part of my browsing through social media apps like I n s ta and stuff ...

I read things on forums and I felt a desire to comment on things. So I did - little by little. Comments led to responses and engagement. A feeling of being welcomed in a community.

That led me to making threads. I would get feedback and engagement. It was fun and learning both. A feeling of being a bit creative.

But all through I felt like this was a place where there is kindness... I still didnt feel "part" of it. I felt like a spectator- as I feel about my place in real life as well...

Then - came a new recent shift. A feeling of knowing peoples inner world - which was the best kind of connection ive always craved for. Also a feeling of having friends - knowing people somewhat. A sort of stability. More than just feeling that these are kind people who are out there somewhere far away in the world. Now the feeling is that these kind people are my companions on my journey and are walking with me, even if im not to meet them in real life. I am in fact a participant in this community and not a shy little girl watching life from the corners..... it is for this reason today I nominated myself in the paper plates award thingy as "A Seeker of Connections" because thats what I found here: a connection not just with others but with myself.

What's to come forward? I dont know. I don't have a plan.

I just wanted to sum up some of my recollections to express my gratitude and to encourage others to explore their options while they are here - you never know where healing lies waiting for you.

♥️🙏✨️