Release.

It's the last day of a chapter that's truly taken a toll on my mental health.

The dream I had last night was everything about memories of the past and their co-existence with the present. I don't know why I was in the elementary school I studied at, as I stand (maybe I was working there?), but I saw little kids wearing sweaters themed after ARMS (2017) and a girl about my age wearing Murder Drones apparel (from Uzi's sweater to the Nori bag) and not saying anything as she walks past... all, in a cold, rainy day. I remembered how it looked like while I was there: roofed hallways, bushes with hibiscus flowers, a theater, two restroom areas quite next to each other (but one of them was always closed, never knew why), the computer room, the library... and where the flag stood in special days.

As the sun went up, I remembered many things about my kindergarten and junior high years, including their appearances as I remember them. The kindergarten only had two classrooms, but there was a corner with several toys, although I only remember the Kid K'Nex; outside it was a massive playground. But then, I remembered the time I sang a version of Jingle Bell Rock that only lives in my head, and the tme I dressed up like a butterfly for a festival I don't remember much about. The theater where I did all of that now lives in ruins.

From where I studied junior high, more than anything, I remembered the size; three sports grounds, a theater, a café, so many classrooms to the point some were located upstairs, specialized classrooms for music classes, and the bursts of bands and cheerleaders nearly every single day. I also remembered the times I participated in story contests, and was on a first-place streak until the state stage, in which I got second place. It's okay... it was the genesis of my creative side.

I've been using samurai metaphors as I delve deeper into how I saw my situation with mental health as a war, how my back weighed from carrying too much weapons, and how the days where I cried were the ones where I, in my mind, fought demons, as I struggled to re-encounter with my own identity. There have been memories that I forgot, or that they wanted me to forget, but now that I had this dream... it all came in a flash, but it's everything that defined me, and many of these things still define me to this date.

In a world that's forgetting how to be genuinely happy, I'm choosing to pursue and reinforce what I know will nurture my path.Even in days where I don't feel too motivated to work out, I, at the very least, stretch. I realized that I felt stuck with schoolwork because the methods I used didn't feel right, and that's how I turned a binder into a place to prototype my activities before writing them digitally.

Even though I only hug one plush at a time, or else I'll be uncomfortable in bed, I'm still reconnecting with the child I believed was lost forever. Though it has yet to properly manifest through collections and collections of things I'm running out of room for (blame my unfinished canvases and the lack of dividers in my storage, LOL) I know that I reencountered MY definition of happiness through them... and even, encountering new ways to manifest it and just be myself, no matter if others react "weirdly". Heck, sometimes I wonder where did I learn such cool dance moves...

After a long war and the fights that followed it... I'm home. The rain of my dream is now sunlight in the real world. 

Let's live on.